Thursday, September 8, 2011

Campaigner's Challenge Flash Fiction

The challenge: to write 200 words or less Flash Fiction starting with the phrase "The door swung open."

All week long I agonized over how to finish this story. So, at exactly 200 words, I hope you enjoy it. *wicked grin*



Butz

The door swung open. She flattened into the open closet, trying not to breathe, not to stir the air. The bare creme walls and vacant rack above filled her with dread, a haunting omen of what she was to become: empty, barren.

Warmth drained from the room like being sucked out by a vacuum. Her hands shook. She closed her eyes, then forced them wide open.

A shadow moved across blank walls, amplified and distorted by the tumbled lamp. In came the cold, the stillness. Her heart echoed in her ears, so loud.

“Mia, Mia, come out!” The perky soprano made her stomach twist. Jenny’s head appeared at the closet opening.

No, Mia shook her head.

“Come on. It’s only a dress.” Jen hefted the beaded white chiffon and satin into sight, grunting against its weight.

That heavy thing? Only a dress. No, it was a prison, a sentence, a hangman’s noose. Or was it?

In the fluffy layers Mia could see a world of possibilities: a reality with true love and security. Yes, she cared deeply about him, but...

Jen looped an arm through hers. “Come on your groom is waiting, future Mrs. Butz!”

“Butz,” she groaned, and surrendered.


And now, if you like it, please click here and give a thumbs up to #317. 

43 comments:

  1. Perfect! Wedding jitters. I thought some shadow monster was coming to get her. Thanks for shaking up the expectations!

    Great work, Crystal! :)

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  2. Oh, NO! No Way! Mrs. Butz? Uh uh, nope! She needs to keep her maiden name! Great job, Crystal!

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  3. Excellent, Crystal! There's nothing more to say. You painted a vivid and suspenseful picture.

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  4. Totally unexpected ending! I love it!!

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  5. Very fun! Plus I have relatives with the last name of "Butz" so that added a fun little twist for me as well. :)

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  6. I love that you used a closet door!! The pic is classic. :)

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  7. Yeah, you got me with the twist at the end. I thought she was hiding from someone with a gun or something. Those are some serious wedding jitters. Wow.

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  8. Haha you totally got me! I thought a killer was coming or something!

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  9. I was sure it was a ghost or stalker story. Great job Crystal! Nice twist. Loved it.

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  10. I thought someone was trying to murder her, but she's only getting married. HA! Nice!

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  11. Now there's a girl who has some issues tying the knot. Good job ramping up the suspense at he beginning. Never would have guessed she was hiding from commitment.

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  12. I thought there was some kind of monster out to kill her or something. :P Great flash fiction!

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  13. Wow! I was waiting for a monster to get her, but it was only matrimony. Good one!

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  14. Ohh pre-wedding jitters. I thought something was going to eat her. LOL

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  15. Ha! I thought something more dastardly was afoot!

    Please visit my blog, Substitute Teacher's Saga for my entry. It's just under the contest post. You can enter the contest too!

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  16. Great story Crystal! Had me wondering :)

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  17. Great build up of tension ... you had me on the edge of my seat ... waiting for the MOMENT ... great twist at the end !
    My entry at no.#59

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  18. I love the sudden shift in mood. Well done!

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  19. I loved the wedding twist. Great job!

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  20. Mrs. Butz would give me pause too. Nice story. Mine is #72 and also relates to a wedding

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  21. Butz.... Bahahahaha! Just tell me her future hubby's name isn't Seymour!! I totally loved it. :-)

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  22. I’m one of the judges for the first challenge and wanted to let you know you’ve been shortlisted as one of the Top 5 to move onto Stage Two. After this comes Stage Three (semi-final), then Stage Four (final). Good luck!

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  23. I love your spin on this! Super fun read - and great job with 200 words! Mrs. Butz...well, she can always keep her maiden name! :)

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  24. Wow Crystal, congratulations on being shortlisted out of so many. Well deserved :)

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  25. Fun! Loved the twist. I happen to know a couple of Mrs. Butts' too. We don't talk about the last name ;)

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  26. Hey, I know I commented on this post. Well, I'll try again. Nice story, and great twist at the end! Totally unexpected. :)

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  27. Carol, blogger must be having trauma. =( Sorry.

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  28. That was awesome! Totally didn't see the dress coming ^_^ Good job!

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  29. Oh, wonderful! I wish I could write a fun piece.

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  30. Loved the ending! It was worth your week of agonizing :)

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  31. Ahh Cheryl, the Florida cheese lady that's willing to give her bride the name of Mrs. Butz. Gotta love it, and I do, so here's The Versatile Blogger Award. You can check out this link for more info: http://aneclecticmuse.blogspot.com/2011/09/and-winner-is.html

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  32. You had me nervous at first and laughing at the end. Great job! :)

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  33. Seriously, I was all sorts of wide-eyed at the tumbled lamp scene (I really enjoyed that visual, by the way.) and laughing at the end. The way you built up then slowly eased the tension is admirable.

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  34. NOT the ending I expected but I loved it. Nice work!

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  35. Haha, wow, definitely wasn't expecting that ending! Great job! Haha, the really weird thing though is that I actually had a a teacher named Mrs. Butz, no kidding!

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  36. Hello again! So I love your little "I beleive" button! Where did you find it, cus i want one too! :)

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  37. I'd definitely be in a bunch if I was about to become Mrs. Butz. Hope she doesn't regret the decision to surrender. Enjoyed the laugh.

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  38. Lol! I thought something terrifying was coming for her! I love the ending. Though, Mrs. Butz is pretty terrifying. ;)

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Hit me with your cheese!