Never Repress...

...a generous urge.

It's a saying I grew up listening to, but I want to put a slant on in today. Who is your best friend in the whole world? Why?

I listened to a speaker talking about true friendships yesterday, and what it means to be a true friend. He talked about how real friends are the ones who encourage us. They're the ones who uplift us. They're the ones that cheer us on to be better.

Image courtesy of let168_6243

I've been blessed with an abundance of truly amazing friends--starting with my mind-blowingly awesome husband who believes in my dreams. I had a best friend in elementary who introduced me to classic movies, slumber parties, and listened to my stories--before "chicken" was an acceptable/cool thing. I had a pal in Jr. High who looked for the positive in any situation and never complained, even when we were double cast for the same lead role in a musical and she only got one performance while I had two. One friend in high school made me want to be better, because she needed a rock in her ever-changing world, and in college, another friend kept my creativity alive.

When I look back on each of them, I see the special role each of them filled, one that desperately needed filling.

So the question is, who is in your life right now that needs the unique love and encouragement you can offer? (Ahem, that's rhetorical.)

So, who is your best friend?

How to Find Happiness A-Z: L

Listen.

What do you hear? I hear a little boy chanting, the scrape of a chair, the hum of a refrigerator, the click of a microwave...

The world around us is filled with confusion and noise. It's hard to tune out the sounds, voices, and electronic devices long enough to even ponder what's going on inside ourselves; but for true happiness, this is an essential element.

Picture courtesy of aresauburn

One of the things that brought me the most happiness as a teen was going out to the yard, sitting on my thinking rock, and watching a sunset or starry night sky. Just listening to and observing nature calmed my heart and gave me the perspective to deal with the crazy crazy of each school day, relationship issues, and the stresses of finding my place. Listening, or not listening to all the other insistent voices out there helped me find my center.

True happiness also stems out of the relationships we build. Do you have a friend who loves to call you, but all they ever talk about is themselves? How deep is that friendship? Do you eventually tire of that person? My advice is, don't be that person. Listening, truly listening to others requires a certain amount of investment. It means we have to care about the person in order to care about what is said. It means we have to be willing to tune out all the other noises and focus. Now I admit, when my six year old tells me the exact same thing for the fiftieth time, it's difficult to want to pay attention, but the most profound things come out of that kid's mouth. Caring about others adds a deeper dimension to ourselves. Deeper satisfaction comes from seeking others' happiness before our own. That's why parenthood is such a noble/maturing/humbling/satisfying thing.

My husband's first boss in NYC was an "art-EE-st"! The guy carried so much ego you couldn't come within twenty feet of him without being knocked off your feet. He also couldn't keep employees to save his life. Wonder why. *shaking head* He was so concerned about being right and perfection that he never paused to consider people had "feelings". Everyone quit within a week, and he blamed it on them--thinking they were all just lemons. (My hubby made it 6 months, by the way--poor guy.)

I call that an extreme case of self-preoccupation.

My neighbor in NYC was the reverse. She immediately came over to meet us when we moved in. She sincerely asked about our lives every time we saw each other, and I knew I could call on her if needed--which, it was. As my husband and I climbed into the car to go to the hospital, me eight months pregnant and extremely sick, we had no idea what we'd do with our two young children. She came running down her steps and invited the kids to stay with her family as long as we needed. She was "listening", or paying attention, and to this day my heart swells with love and gratitude when I think of her. Talk about a true friend.

Self reflection: So which are you more like? The ego-driven genius, or the invested neighbor? (Please do not answer these questions in the comments.)

Do you have a "thinking rock", or quiet place to ponder? And what is it that really draws you to people? 

How to Find Happiness A-Z: F

Mom stopped her 2 year old daughter at the door, the girl's fingers on the knob. "Crystal, where are you going?"

The little girl turned around. "Mom!" She threw both hands down, exhasperated. "I have to play with my friends!" 

FRIENDS!!!!

Can we talk too much about the importance of good friends? The best ones inspire us to do better, to be better, to reach for our greatest potential. The bad ones drag us into a pit of failure.

Photo courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

I have been blessed with an overabundance of amazing friends. Many of you are on the blog-o-sphere with me. Some of you aren't. I can't say too much good about the awe-inspiring people who've stood by my side through difficulty and joy: my incredible husband, my children, my parents, brothers and sisters, inlaws, my Holy Cheesers, Melanie, Valerie, Jen-Jen, Eliza, Amy, Krista... The list might never end. I count each and every one of them as a special godsend.

The more people I come to love, the more my heart expands. In their successes, I find happiness. In their sorrows, I find a place of deep and abiding compassion. Mom thought me a little over-dramatic at two years old, but I think as a child, I understood something quite paramount: happiness comes from being invested in other's lives. Joy comes from the relationships we develop.

Are you that friend--the one who lifts others up and helps them to see the good they're accomplishing? What fabulous friends have you found through the years, and have you told them how much you appreciate them lately? 

10 Ways Blogging Improves Writing

You may not struggle with blogging like me, but if you do... I started in 2008. At that time my attitude was:

I wasn't out to impress anyone with my know-how, dazzle readers, or even build a following. There were no plans for world domination, e-journaling, and being tech savvy. It was merely a place I could post my writing so family and friends on the other side of the country could read it.

Everything has changed. As I look back 5 years, this is what I've discovered:

10 Ways Blogging Improved my Writing 

1. Contests/Challenges: If you can write to a theme (and quickly,) you've got it made. (Especially where there's a call for short stories.)

2. "Publishing": For those who are gun shy, (like me,) blogging is the ideal way to get comfortable with publishing. We'll call it soft-publishing. (Because bloggers are so forgiving of typos etc.) And guess what? If you put something out there you're not proud of, you can always delete it.

3. Critiquing: is hard to take as a newbie writer. Bloggers are SUPER nice, but they'll nudge you toward better writing, if you'll let them. Not only that, I've met two of my critique partners through blogging. If you enjoy someone's writing online, it's possible you'll love their manuscript.

4. Networking: I shy away from this word. I've made so many friends through blogging that I no longer see it as networking. It's simply opening the door to a world of people I'd never be able to know otherwise. (I love you peeps!)

5. Industry secrets: Need I expound? I've read so many writing books, but to be up to speed on what's happening now? Well, there's nothing better than the tid-bits writing friends/agents/publishers drop.

6. Feedback: This is one of the quickest ways to learn how people respond to your writing. It can be invaluable, especially when learning how to write for a specific audience.

7. Drafting: For those of us *pointing to self* who struggle with outlines, blogging is an easy way segue into planning scenes. It's learning how to plot in bite-sized portions.

8. Editing: I have a bit of a problem. Seriously. This slight case of dyslexia used to come between me and reading in public. It's something I eventually overcame, mostly, but I do read in weird ways. Thus, when I edit, I have a propensity to miss things--no matter how carefully I'm looking. Through years of practice with blog posts, (just like YEARS of reading out loud in front of groups,) my eyes skip less.

9. Experimenting: The blog-o-sphere is a great place to toy with your writing voice. You can take on a persona, try out poetry, flash fiction, short stories, non-fiction, etc, and no one will think twice about it.

10. Support: I'm a dork, but there are a few people out there who love me anyway. How do I know this? They continue to check in, even if I go silent for a six month stretch.

Granted, I'm not on the blog-o-sphere as much as I'd like (because of three adorable "little's" I slave to educate), but blogging has been an invaluable experience. What have you learned from blogging?

On the Subject of Awesome Blog Writers (Yes, you!)

I've been going through the blogroll today, and the list of awesomeness is bewildering! This community of supportive writers leaves me in awe.

So, that's pretty much it. I just want to say thank you--for your awesome example, for your generosity to one another, for your encouraging words. I wish I could sit here all day and read. You inspire me. =)

Keep up the good work!