I'm a parent. Are you? I remember being a teen like it was yesterday. No kidding. I don't think I've aged a day past sixteen (although my kids will attest otherwise), and I'm never, NEVER growing up.
Anyhow, I was listening to a speaker yesterday about the importance of teen girls and the relationships they have with their mothers. Essentially, they said teenage girls need their mother's more during the time between 12 and 18 than any other time in their lives, and that should be a mother's serious focus. It kind of reminded me of this:
And especially this:
What kind of relationship do you/did you have with your parents as a teen? What would you do differently if you could go back?
Anyhow, I was listening to a speaker yesterday about the importance of teen girls and the relationships they have with their mothers. Essentially, they said teenage girls need their mother's more during the time between 12 and 18 than any other time in their lives, and that should be a mother's serious focus. It kind of reminded me of this:
And especially this:
What kind of relationship do you/did you have with your parents as a teen? What would you do differently if you could go back?
Hmm...not pressure at being a mom during DD's teen years, eh?? When I was a teen girl, I would have laughed if anyone would have told me that someday I'd think parenting a teen is harder than being one. It's just as confusing from this side of the fence. I try and keep things light with my only daughter - I have three boys, too, which is a whole other ball of wax. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's tough, keeping that balance in mind while dealing with your own emotions, eh? I just keep hoping my daughter and I will have a great relationship through her teen years if we continue to have one leading up to it.
DeleteMy mom and I never get along. We still don't really. I am really hoping I can create a bond so that I can have a relationship like the ones depicted in those messages above. Fingers are crossed and prayers are said all the times in hopes of accomplishing this. As for now, I am just hoping I can make it through the preschool prima donna age intact.
ReplyDeleteLOL. Preschool can be hard. I wasn't sure my daughter would survive to age five, what with those monster tantrums. ;)
DeleteI had a very poor relationship with my parents as a teen due to several reasons, but my relationship with my mother is better now that I'm older. My son is only three right now, and I'm a stay-at-home mom. We have a strong and loving bond which I want to keep through his whole life. He'll be my only child which makes it even more important to me. I'm not sure what he'll be like as a teen, but I hope I can show him that women can be strong and compassionate, and teach him how to properly respect women.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that the ambition is there says you'll most likely succeed. I think Mom's a daughters generally do go through a falling out as they enter a later stage--or at least I've watched it happen with all of my sisters and my mom. Maybe that doesn't always happen. Regardless, I think as we start into motherhood that relationship usually rights itself.
DeleteMy mom, my grandmother, my daughter, and I were always very close. Even in my teen years, when we had inevitable conflicts, I knew I could tell my mom anything...she really was, and still is my best friend. I think a lot of it is that we were all close in age, when my daughter was born, my grandmother was only 58...she was a very young great-grandmother, LOL!
DeleteNow that my daughter is 21, I do regret not spending more time with her during those crucial years. I was a single mom, I worked a lot. But it's an empty excuse. Even though we're very close, I know I could have done better.
Hey, there are always things we could have done better, right? But we can't beat ourselves up over the past. We do the best we can and go forward.
DeleteYeah, my mom and I didn't get along at all when I was 15 - 20 yrs old. Once I got older we got over a lot of our issues. I find myself now in the position of having to take care of her in ways I never imagined. Life is interesting that way. :)
ReplyDeleteBut I have a teenaged son now and I'm in awe of how, um, awesome he is.
Oh, also...you probably know this, but blogger is messed up. This post only came through on my reader like forty minutes ago.
DeleteThat explains a ton. Actually I've been out of touch, so thanks for the heads up!
DeleteThose are funny clips! I won't comment on my teen years LOL. *inhales cheese*
ReplyDeleteHey, as long as there's cheese involved, we'll turn a blind eye. ;)
DeleteI think I should plead the 5th about my teenage years. But my relationship with my mom is much better as an adult. I'm a way different mom than she is, very supportive of my daughter's dreams, and pushing her to do things like learning to drive when she didn't want to. And she's 16 now and I feel so fortunate that we have such a great relationship and so far, her teenage years are going great. Fingers crossed as we move toward college.
ReplyDeleteNatalie, that's awesome. I love it when I hear stories of people who improve on their own history. I think that was my favorite part of living in NYC, learning about the people who dragged themselves out of the projects, despite all odds. Not saying this is one of those instances, but I love it.
DeleteI had a heck of a time getting her to visit, Crystal. My site has been shaking and having fits and not wanting to open blogsites.
ReplyDeleteI remember my teen years quite well and enough to know I'm glad they're over. I wouldn't want them back, tyvm.
My mom and I were close until I hit about 17 and then I think it was a battle for my own independence and to make decisions for myself. We clashed frequently but still, there would be those times, at the end of a day, that I'd sit at her feet and talk as I gave her legs and feet a massage. As a kid, I was interested in massage and studied different methods. My mom broke her tail bone when she was about 14 and her legs and back always seemed to hurt. I learned massage to help her--especially during her pregnancies. Massage time was one of peace and we'd talk about all sorts of things. I loved those moments. We were friends as well as mother daughter but there were battles in that mix. And we're still friends.
My dad? I worked part time with him in construction as a teen. He was old world and strict. Conversations with him were much easier and we spoke of many things. We had our moments too.
I was a tough kid to deal with at times. More because I had so much responsibility as the oldest and I resented being treated like a little kid who knew nothing one moment and young adult the next. I was raised to be an independent thinker and my role as the oldest put me beyond my contemporaries in maturity. All my friends were at least 3 or 4 years older than me and very few my own age. That made it hard too. I figured if I was old enough to shoulder my responsibilities and make appropriate decisions and work too, there had to be some consistency. I couldn't revert back and forth from kid to young adult. Not without going nuts, lol! That was the crux of the battles at times. I was more than ready to leave home at 18. I left on good terms but I was ready to do the things I wanted. My parents are proud of what I've accomplished and I maintained a close relationship with my family.
Sia McKye Over Coffee
Sia, that is so awesome--that you were able to serve your mother that way, that you were mature at a young age, that you found your own way. I think each of us definitely faces unique challenges in the way we're raised. I was a middle child seeking enough attention. My parents were awesome, but there were 8 kids, one with special needs, and some days I think it's just amazing they made it through alive.
DeleteYeah, we had 9 in our family so I can relate. I was more like second mom. I'm still very close to what we called the three little kids (born one year apart) because I did so much with them. There were the three oldest, my group, the three little kids, and the three babies. The last two my mom had were after I left home. But I was very close to my brother Roland--the oldest of the babies. He slept in my room from about 3 months old until he was two. It was so hard to leave him behind when I left.
DeleteBeen dealing with teens for three days (in class). Must be the adult. Must not remember teen years. Must be the adult...
ReplyDeleteLOL. I think it's easier to be an adult if you can remember those years vividly--what mattered to you, how you thought, etc. ;)
DeleteMy mom has always been my only parent, so needless to say, we were close when I was younger, and still are!
ReplyDeleteThat's so cool, Heather. I love that you have such a great relationship with her.
DeleteI had a great relatonship with my mum when I was that age and now I'm older. We are best friends and I wouldn't change a thing.
ReplyDeleteEvery girl's dream, eh? Keep livin' it.
DeleteI have a brilliant relationship with my teen daughter. I think this is because mine with my mother wasn't so good that it made it all the more important.
ReplyDeleteI can totally tell by your writing that's the case. You're super in tune with what's happening in a teenager's head. Love it!
DeleteI had a great relationship with my mom when I was a teen. Kind of hit a rough patch in my early twenties, though.
ReplyDeleteBut our relationship is growing stronger again every day. :-)
I think pretty much every woman hits a rough patch about then--when it's time to become independent and set your own pattern for living.
DeleteI had a very strained relationship with my father as a teen but a very close relationship with my mother. Over the years I have grown closer with my father. I'll always me a momma's boy though :)
ReplyDeleteLOL. I've always been a daddy's girl. It's funny how those dynamics come about, eh?
DeleteSweet videos - I got along pretty well with my folks, I am an only child, so I'm sure I drove them crazy sometimes, as there was no one else to talk to! Life has changed a lot since my Dad passed away, I still get along with my Mom, but she has a whole new life now. My memory is spotty (worries me some) I'll call up old friends and ask them, lol.
ReplyDeleteAs we head that way, my daughter just turned 11, my fingers are crossed - we clash some NOW, I need to be a better listener. The boy is nearly 15, and a much different creature.
It's so amazing the difference between boys and girls, eh? I have five brothers, and I find it so much easier to relate to my sons than my daughter. Guess that's why I posted this--because it's wishful thinking.
DeleteWe had a pretty good relationship-now with my dad-not so much.
ReplyDeleteFathers take more work. ;)
DeleteThe period you mentioned that teen girls need their mothers, that is the time my mother and I grew apart.
ReplyDeleteSee--that's what I'm talking about. That's the season when it all falls apart if not carefully worked on.
Deletefunny to say--my mom was my best friend--even though we had a terrible time when i was a teenager!
ReplyDeleteThat's awesome you were able to work through it. I had my fair share of clashes too.
DeleteMy parents and I always had a pretty good relationship. Thank goodness. :) I hope I can nourish strong bonds with my future teenagers!
ReplyDeleteAmen to that! Hope, and focused effort, eh?
DeleteI was probably closer to my mother. My father was in the service and gone a lot, plus he had a lot more in common with my older brother. But we did get along and have a great relationship now.
ReplyDeleteThat's awesome. Nothing quite so important as family, eh?
DeleteI think that was one of the most, or the most, important relationship I had back then.
ReplyDeleteSeconded. ;)
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