Sunday, May 12, 2013

Mothers Day? Bah! Humbug.

Have you read Great Expectations? I sometimes feel like that's the title for my life. 

I have a gorgeous family, the sweetest husband, and such an amazing life--but I have a confession. For many years, Mother's Day depressed me.

The humbug: I'd sit and ponder how I was doing as a mother. Was I failing? Did my children get enough attention? What behaviors were they displaying that spoke of need? I'd look around or read stories of parents who were doing amazing things with their children, and I'd think, why can't I seem to be like that? The day served to hammer home how I was failing.

Do you do this too? It's a slippery slope, my friend.

Because of my father's example (if you missed that post, you can catch it here), I've always felt if I'm going to accomplish something, it's going to be done
well--perfectly. (Yup, that oh-so-annoying inner perfectionist...)

Six years back as I sat in a tiny NYC apartment, frustrated by the chain-smokers upstairs and exhausted from a child who refused to sleep through the night, it hit me. We were doing the best we could with our circumstances. My children, severely demanding at the time, loved me, even if they couldn't give me enough space to stand back and see it. I was succeeding in the most important ways. I couldn't be prefect on all fronts, but I was giving it my best effort.

Through the years I've learned that much of my disatisfaction with life comes from the gap between god-like expectations, and reality. Set high expectations, do your best, then forget your expectations and find grattitude in life. I now find great joy in Mother's Day. It's a day of reflection on the good, and as my children shower me with cards, hearts, and hugs, I can't help but wonder how I ever found anything but joy from the holiday.

Here's a happy Mother's Day to all you amazing mothers, and a huge thank you to all you surrogate mothers. You are awesome sauce!

29 comments:

  1. I have a love/hate relationship with Mother's Day. Heretofore it has always been a bad day, which is why I have not been a fan. I expect the day to be wonderful, and then it is an ordinary day and I am disappointed because I had great expectations for the day. Today, however, I expected nothing and was pleasantly surprised. IT has been a lovely day. Full of surprises, joy, and a lack of my expectations and perfections. I should have tried that years ago. I hope your day was simply marvelous. I think you are amazing.

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    1. I know exactly what you mean, Amy. And yes, I had a wonderful day too. So glad you did.

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  2. I can't say I ever felt that way, in recent years it's a mixed day of sadness because my Mother is gone, and waiting to here from my DD. Hubby does some awesome Mother's Day stuff though, special dinner last night and brunch this am.
    Looking Back

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    1. I was thinking about that. My father passed away several years ago, and Father's Day is always interesting for me. So glad you have a wonderful hubby to take care of you. ;)

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  3. I think we moms tend to beat ourselves up, pondering if we're doing a good job. If we can tell ourselves that we're doing the best that we can, well that deserves a pat on the back. Happy Mother's Day everyone!

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  4. Happy Mother's Day. Sounds like you've got the right attitude. It's a tough, tough job. :)

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    1. I KNOW, right? We should get some kind of extra cheese for a job well done.

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  5. As a mother for the second time around, I find that hindsight sucks. I'm a senior citizen who adopted my grandson who is 12 now. I wish that I'd been a better parent when my kids were small but I did the best I could with what I had. This time around, I am no longer insecure about my parenting skills and find that most of the time, I enjoy the parenting role with my grandson. Am I still making mistakes...you betcha but this time, I know that he will turn out well in spite of me. You are doing a wonderful job and although this is a day late, Happy Mother's Day.

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    1. That's awesome. Thanks for the encouragement, Ann!

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  6. Amen to that!

    I think we'll always feel like we could've in some way been better. And probably in most cases our kids will always find something to blame us for, but like you say, we do our best and take comfort that love is enough.

    Happy Mom's Day to you!!!

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    1. Love is the best thing you can give them, eh? ;)

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  7. many a mothers day has left me saying, happy mothers day to me, in disappointment. but as i get older, i lower my expectations and enjoy what i get, because in a house full of thoughtless, non emotional tough guys, fending for themselves, cards and hugs are as good as it gets!

    hope you had a lovely weekend!

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    1. I think cards are awesome. My entire piano is covered with cards the kids made for me. Talk about love. ;)

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  8. You have a beautiful family! Hope you had a great Mother's Day!

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    1. Thanks, Sherry. It's an old picture. A NYC picture.

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  9. Hello! Very nice blog and interesting posts, great atmosphere.
      Have a nice day. :)
    Welcome to our blog about photography. +
    I hope you also enjoy it with us.

    Greetings!

    "Do what you love is not even that, but anyway"

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  10. It's hard to live up to some sort of impossible ideal. It's hard to see the great things we do have when we do that. Having kids is about enjoying the moment! Hope you had a great day!

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    1. So true, Nick. It's all about living in the moment, eh?

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  11. well i cannot deny that i have hated mother's day for as long as i can remember---there are many many legit reasons i could give for this loathing--but this year i too, came away wondering how i could feel this way, when i am so very blessed---i am glad you had a good day :)

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    1. Oh we women, eh? Sometimes I think we really are too hard on ourselves.

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  12. Happy belated Mother's Day to you and yours Crystal!

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  13. We can be too hard on ourselves. It's not easy to be a mother and there is no perfect. Sometimes, when my kids complain about something that's "unfair," I tell them, "This is the perfect thing to bring up someday on the therapist's couch." The humor usually diffuses the situation. Both sides get to acknowledge that we're not perfect.

    Seriously, I hope I don't drive them to therapy.

    Happy Mother's Day, Crystal!

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    1. LOL. I love that response, Theresa. And a late Happy Mother's Day to you!

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  14. Well said - who of us has had a perfect mother, right? So why do we expect ourselves to be so?

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  15. Sometimes you make me laugh with delight.
    I enjoy your honest view . . .

    love & love,
    YOU'RE Awesome sauce!

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    1. The feeling's mutual. And here's some cheese-covered awesome sauce for you. =D

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Hit me with your cheese!