Tuesday, June 12, 2012

1st Fight: Blogfests and Boogiemen

It's BLOGFEST time again! Really, this is the only time I get out anymore, cyber-wise. I suppose real life is taking up too much realty. (Eek! Not real life!) 

Anyhoo, I heard about this blogfest and it was just too much fun, so the rules:

The First Fight/First Kiss blogfest: 

  • Post 1  June 12 - Share with us a 1st FIGHT scene on your blog.
  • Post 2 Thursday, June 14 - Share with us a 1st KISS scene on your blog.

So, here it is, a 1st Fight Scene from my WIP (work in progress), FAUX PAS:

Sam yelled. I shrieked.

Crunch! The vehicle smacked into the creature. It disappeared. The car stopped, dead.

My head whipped forward. It slammed backward into the headrest. The vehicle rocked back.

Breathing hard, I reached up with trembling fingers and brushed the hair out of my face. Glass sparkled on the floor and across my skirt. My hips ached beneath the belt.

I turned to Sam.

His head rested on the dash, his hands splayed against the windshield’s broken glass, and bleeding.  

Not conscious. He was not conscious.

A shaking breath rattled out of me. I bit back tears.

His seatbelt hung unused. What kind of idiot would steer into a person, er, creature without putting on his seatbelt?

“Sam?” I asked.

Movement turned my head. A black lump appeared in the headlights. I reached for my seatbelt buckle. My hands shook. 

It straightened up, eight feet. The creature stood still as death, watching me through jagged panes of glass. My hands froze. It rounded the front of the car, taking its time.

I punched the release button on my belt. It wouldn’t unlock. I pulled at the belt. I pounded the buckle. Tears blurred the silver clasp.

The thing leaned down so that its head was level with mine on the other side of the passenger window.

My breath froze. No, I couldn’t draw air. It was freezing.

Two glowing red pupils burned into me from where its eyes should have been, the rest of it hidden in the shadows of a hood.

I was going to die.

A metal bar hummed past my ear. It smashed through the passenger window and pierced the creature through one eye with a sickening squish.

The thing squealed.

I cringed away, covering my ears.

Sam reached across me and grabbed the metal pike he’d launched. He ripped it out of the monster’s face. Something wet spattered my cheek. I tensed.

He drew the weapon back, and smashed it through the thing’s chest.

The shrouded being fell across the open window, limp.

Yup, that's it. Lots of fighting, eh? *ahem* So anyway, see you back here Thursday for a first kiss?


  1. Go Sam! Vivid descriptions and intense too. Well done!

  2. The creature thingie is creepy! Nice excerpt!

    Thanks for joining our blogfest!

  3. I also loved your descriptions, and the intensity. That makes my own car accident look like nothing!

  4. Super creepfest here! Look at that spooky thing!

    Thanks for sharing your excerpt with us!

  5. While I read this, I kept thinking, omg, omg omg! This was great!! I would love to read more. :)


  6. Get out of the car! Get out of the car! Damn belt buckles.

    That was intense. (You should here me during movies. =))

  7. hear rather. Homophones. go figure.

  8. The action flowed so quick and smooth. I just kept reading faster and faster like I was there in the car. Great scene! :)

  9. Agreed... I think your short, quick sentences lend well to the fast pace and high tension... this style of writing was just perfect for the content. I was very much gripped by the suspense as the creature rounded the car. Looking forward to Thursday! :-)

  10. Oooo, Crystal! I love it! Super creepy and intense. Nice job! :D

  11. Mina, Jaycee, Jackie, Kyra--thanks!

    Carrie-Anne, I'm sure your car crash is stellar.

    Danielle & Jackie, thanks for hosting the blogfest.

    Andrea, thank you for sharing your reaction.

    James, I love the commentary. I don't say it out loud, but that's exactly what my inner voice is doing while watching movies.

    Michael, thanks for letting me know it immersed you.

    T, I blame it on Dean Koontz. Been reading too much of him I think.

    PK, is it bad that I didn't intend to post something creepy this time around? Darn. FAIL.

  12. So scary! If that was your first fight, I wonder what your first kiss will be...? Can't wait!

  13. Whoa, straight through the eye and through the chest. Brutal.

    I like it. ^_^

  14. Creepy! Excellent descriptions and use of senses!


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