Thursday, October 27, 2011

Halloween Horror

Flash fiction for Halloween. Enjoy!

An Interview with Death

The reporter fed a paper into his typewriter with trembling hands. “I can’t believe you’ve agreed to do this!” He shook almost as badly as the paper.

“What can I say? I’m a softie for last requests.” I settled into a comfy armchair across from his desk, resting my scythe against the wall.

“I love the sneakers by the way.” He sat.

I glanced down at the old Converse. “They’re a lot more comfortable than my human-skin boots.”

He paled.

I laughed. 

He paled further. 

I sighed. Why did no one get that Death has a sense of humor? I mean, death is a rather hilarious thing—Jack Daniels died from a toe infection after kicking his safe in anger, and one dictator offed himself on too much Viagra… People are funny creatures.

“So, uh, Mister…Grim Reaper-”

“Death,” I corrected. “I’m not grim, and ‘Reaper’ is so derogatory. I mean, I’m one of the four horsemen—you know, as in there’s four in all of existence?”

He stared, jaw hanging.

I pointed at the typewriter, then tapped my wrist.

“So, Mister Death-”

“Just Death.”

“Death then, how did you come to this…magnanimous position?”

I blinked back my astonishment. Wasn’t that obvious? “I and my brothers work for the big cheese. You know, the guy behind destiny? Don’t tell me you’re an atheist.”

He froze, swallowed, and started typing a little less steadily. “You say you’re one of the four horsemen, but I don’t see a horse.”

I chuckled. “That’s because Donavan is invisible.” Turning my head, I clucked, “Aren’t you, Donny?”

The reporter studied the empty space with wide eyes.

I shook my head. “Who needs a horse when you’ve got mass transit? Busses, taxis, the subway…”

“You use mass transit?”

“When I can.”

He hesitated.

“Go ahead,” I encouraged. “You’re dead anyway.”

“What happens to the people sitting next to you?”

I shrugged. “They drink their coffee and read their papers.”

“Sitting next to you doesn't kill them?”

“Um, no.”

He sat back. “How do you do it then? Mass transit can’t possibly be fast enough for the thousands of deaths every minute-”

“Approximately 107 to be correct.” I cracked my knuckles. “Time isn’t a consideration when you can hop in and out of dimensions. I mean what kind of guy would I be if I never stopped to eat a doughnut or smell a rose?”

His jaw again dropped. “Dimension travel? There are multiple…dimensions?”

Oh these logical ones who thought they knew how the whole universe operated! “Time. I can step in and out of time. Kind of knocks you mortals over the head, but it doesn’t exist for me.”

“And that’s why people don’t see you coming.”

“No, it’s because of my super cool invisibility cloak—like Harry Potter.”

He stared, blankly. I think he was starting to get my sarcasm.

“Okay fine, I don’t have an invisibility cloak,” I admitted. “I’m made of finer matter than your eyes can perceive, unless I want you to see me.”

“Like when we’re about to die?”

“Or are already dead.”


I pointed to his paper. “What you got there? Read it back to me.”

He looked at the paper, squinted, then frowned. “I, I don’t understand. How can it be blank?”

Picking up my scythe, I rose, all twelve feet. “Sorry, Robert.”

“But I was typing…”

“Yeah…no you weren’t.”

He turned around saw his body lying in the hallway, spilled whisky glass staining the carpet.

“So are you ready to head out now?” I asked.

He let out a long sigh, then looked up at me. “You’re actually a pretty nice guy.”

“That’s what I keep telling people.” I pulled out my keys and the door to the other side materialized. “Enjoy the free bagles on the other side.”

He paused in front of the door, eyes brightening. We can eat on the other side?

“No.” I would have smiled if Death could smile. “But it's so fun watching you try.”

And for the Halloween Hop: 
Scariest book: Fear Nothing by Dean Koontz
Movie: (Okay, I'm not such a fan of scary.) Army of Darkness or House 2
Costume: Mime (Been an "enchantress" or "sorceress" the last 9 years. Change is good.) 


  1. Love it! Such a fun conversation with Death, although not being able to eat bagels is sad. :)

  2. Loved this!! I'm so posting a link on my blog so everyone can read this :)

  3. LM--glad you enjoyed it.

    Cherie--Thank you.

    Kerri--You totally rock! Thanks.

  4. Now that has to be one of the best interviews I've read. :)

  5. I loved this interview, especially the rather cruel little twist at the end :)

    You aren't a Terry Pratchett fan, by any chance?

  6. Oh, Super!

    I can easily visualize this interview. Chills even.

    Hopping from Halloween Hop

  7. Golden Eagle--hee hee, thanks.

    Botanist--I have not actually read Terry Pratchett, although he's on my "to-read" list. There's only about 100 books piled up on there now. My two a week just isn't cutting it. *sigh*

  8. That was spooky!!!

    Hello! (((((hugs)))))

    It’s so awesome to visit your lovely blog today on this Halloween blog hop. I think this is an awesome opportunity to meet other authors! I’m joining your blog and I hope you’ll join mine, too, so we can learn more about one another.
    My favorite monster movie is Night of the Living Dead and I’m dressing up as a mime. Mime is one of the most ancient forms of theatre, appearing around the time of the Greek tragedies. I hope to perfect the art and technique of portraying a mood, idea, or narration by gestures and bodily movements. The only problem is…that I have a big mouth! LOL. It’s so nice to meet you!


    P.S. I’d love to connect with you online!

    My blog link is
    My Facebook link is:!/chrissy.peebles1
    My twitter link is:!/ChrissyPeebles1

  9. Halloween Hop!
    Hi! The scariest book I've ever read was "IT". It reached deep into my subconsciousness and scared the heck out of me! For Halloween I'll be dragging out my Elmo snuggy for my couch potato costume.


  10. Halloween Hop

    I want to thank Jeremy Bates for the chance to participate in this blog hop.

    My Favorite monster movie - Hellraiser
    My Costume - Dragon (well the wings of a dragon and the rest is my sexy self)
    And I am now following this Blog (yay)

    I have read quite a few of the posts on this blog and I do believe I shall
    be reading more as I have found them interesting to say the least. I hope that my participation brings this blog more visitors and that those turn into more readers for this blog's future. Thanks for being a participant and for those visiting this blog for the first time. Please comment, that is what we bloggers live for. :)

    ****Promoting my own Blog****

    Free Book Reviews is a blog that reviews indie books, interviews indie authors and generally talks about whatever amuses them in the literary world. If you are an author please feel free to submit your book for review and/or an author interview. If you are a reader feel free to check out any book listed on our blog. In any case please share this blog with as many people as you can!

  11. That was a lot of fun. Death looks good with a sense of humor :)


  12. Crystal, I think you'll enjoy Terry Pratchett, when you get around to him. Death makes a regular appearance and I could see a lot of similarity with your interview.

  13. Happy Halloween Hop, Crystal - good to *meet* you! I loved this teaser; reminded me a little of Marcus Zusak's Death character in "The Book Thief," but snarkier ;)

  14. That is one cool story and I loved the end!
    *Note to self: must read The Book Thief, it's one of those books I keep hearing about and actually want to read.

  15. Happy Halloween Blog Hop, Crystal!

    REALLY love this tease!! Excellent premise and fantastic grab-you writing! Congrats on your book! Also, love your blog title :)

    Fav scary book: The Shining (still makes me shiver!)
    Fav costume: a witch (what else?)
    Fav horror film: The Fog (yikes :0)

  16. Botanist--bumping Terry Pratchett up the list.

    Shelley--"The Book Thief", also moving up the reading list.

    Intricate Knot--Great to meet you!

  17. Crystal, you're so freaking awesome. That was fun to read, just plain fun. Thanks for entertaining me!

  18. I read this earlier and could swear I left a comment...but since I don't see it above, I'll say again: this is terrific! I love Death as a narrator.

    I was also stopping by to let you know that I gave you the One Lovely Blog award over on my blog...only now that I'm back here, I see you already received it. Ah, well. Now you know you're twice loved!

  19. Fun flash fiction! Death was both funny and creepy. :D

  20. HA HA, this was fun. It sounded a lot like conversations I've had with the Matman.


Hit me with your cheese!