Relationships are messy.
Right?
Just as soon as it seems everything is going well, something pops up that needs to be straightened, fixed, discussed, changed.
This is life: Change. Always.
We all have thoughts, feelings, influences, moods, (hormone swings -- ugh), and more. There's no way you can go through life without saying or doing something that will strike someone else poorly. And even offend them.
In fact, you may do things intentionally that will offend others.
I might too.
Ultimately, we will all be offended, hurt, or broken at some point. And if we're fully living life, many times -- perhaps even in a single day.
Something I learned when I was being bullied as a kid: It was my choice HOW to react. I could lash out and add to the animosity, ignore it and hope it would go away, shrink into myself and nurse a poor-me mentality, or I could choose to understand that people make mistakes and perhaps they were acting as a result of their own trauma.
I mean, not all of them. People are lemmings and some were just following the crowd.
The point is, I could CHOOSE to be offended.
And yes, it's a choice.
I could also CHOOSE to let it go and focus on happiness rather than obsessing over how everyone else was acting.
Being angry or hurt happens. It's an instant reaction and that's aceptable. But holding onto it, that's a decision that we make consciously or subconsciously, and we darn well better make a conscious, mature decision because we are adults. (Haha! I mean, some of us are. Sometimes.)
Being hurt is a choice.
Being angry is a choice.
Hurting others will happen--no matter how careful we are. Apologies are great but we have no power over other's decisions to accept or not accept.
So my advice today: Decide to let things go. Realize all people are impulsive, offensive, and broken sometimes. It's up to us to choose if we will be one of them or if we will let go of pain and anger so we can embrace the joys these emotions blind us against.
As for me, I'm choosing joy. As often as needed.
The awesome co-hosts for the October 1 posting of the IWSG are Beth Camp, Crystal Collier (Me!), and Cathrina Constantine!
The question is optional.
October 1 question - What is the most favorite thing you have written, published or not? And why?
Haha! This is easy. Immortal the Musical. Okay, so there is a book version, pending publication, along with a huge social media release, but the ACTUAL musical? I'd have to say it got its first sneak peak debut back in March. And it was well received. This is the culmination of all my writing expertise, decades of music, singing, orchestral study, composition, lyric work, and poetry of the heart (as my great-grandmother calls it). I don't think you can get more epic than that, right?
No surprise that is your pick!
ReplyDeleteThanks for co-hosting today.
People have become so sensitive and so reactive. They act and lash out without thinking. (Like what happened to Charlie Kirk.) Worry about your own house, people. And just relax.
I agree there. We all need to take a deep breath and step back at times, eh?
DeleteIt is a choice! Our reaction to anything is about the only thing in life we can control and yet so many let others control their reactions.
ReplyDeleteRight? Unless we practice thinking deeper than our immediate reations, we're doomed to repeat history.
DeleteIt's so gratifying when something particularly near and dear to your heart is well received!
ReplyDeleteToo true!
DeleteThanks for co-hosting today. I try to let things go, too. I like to focus on what I can control, which is me and my reactions to what's going on in my life.
ReplyDeleteRight? There are too many things we can't control.
DeleteFor me, my reaction is one thing, my response is another. My reaction might be anger or hurt, but I try really hard to respond as calmly as I can. It does depend on the situation, of course. Something like receiving a hurtful email, I might want to shoot off a nasty reply but I can choose to take time to calm down and respond differently. Hopefully. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's so true. I like to take 24 hours before responding if my emotions get involved.
DeleteThanks for co-hosting this month. You have a point, "[We] Are Destined to Offend Others", whether we mean to or not. I like the idea of choosing joy and letting go. Immortal the Musical sounds awesome!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Toi. Choose joy! *lifts a wedge of cheese* We are on the same page.
DeleteYour excitement surrounding this project is palpable! I'm so happy it's coming to fruition! @samanthabwriter from
ReplyDeleteBalancing Act
Thank you! Slowly but surely. Slowly...
DeleteThis is why I avoid people LOL I definitely agree and constantly repeat myself that it is all about how you will react to what happens around you.
ReplyDeleteIt's true. We are more powerful to shape our lives than we want to believe.
DeleteYou are so right. People are unique, and the more unique one is, the more likely they are to offend. You made a good choice with Joy! Congratulations on your newest adventure and thanks for co-hosting today.https://cleemckenziebooks.substack.com/
ReplyDeleteGreat to see you here, Lee! Different can be scary for a lot of people.
DeleteA timely message with all the turmoil in our world.
ReplyDeleteI am in awe of you over that musical. Obvious choice.
Thanks for co-hosting!
Aw, thanks Melissa. You know the crazy thing? I drafted this post WELL before all the crazy hit the fan. It was just one of the deep thoughts in my heart.
DeleteA worthy pick, Crystal. Me, I am thin skinned so avoid being offended and people who make jokes at others expense. Doesn't work for me.
ReplyDeleteI hear you! Best to stay away from triggers, eh? But life is full of them.
DeleteSome good words there about the choices we make. And how cool is it that you have written and seen produced a musical??!
ReplyDeleteHaha! Not the full production. That is yet to come, but here's hoping.
DeleteAsk me something easy like which of my boys is my favorite! Choice is a matter of preference and timing. Sometimes my choice isn't the best option at that particular moment but it is my choice which I decide to pick. Then I have to stick by that choice (which is sometimes the hardest part!).
ReplyDeleteLOL! Can you pick a favorite kid?
DeleteI can't control others, but I can control how I react to them. Rude people are not entitled to my mental energy! I find it's best to let things roll off and go about my day.
ReplyDeleteToo true. That's a lesson some people never learn.
DeleteWhat a wise post about how to handle an offense, Crystal! You have done an amazing job with your musical! I wish you great success! Thanks for co-hosting today!
ReplyDeleteThank you! (On all accounts.)
DeleteHa! I knew your answer before reading it!
ReplyDeleteLOL! That's because you're awesome.
DeleteThanks for co-hosting today!
ReplyDeleteI was bullied for a bit when I was younger too. Until this day I’m still confused on how I offended the girl when I never even talked to the girl. Or badmouth her. All I did was remain quiet, behaved well in class and did my assignments. The very things on what a student should do. Also things that were engraved in me from six years of going to Catholic school before transferring to public school. Finally found out, with her loud voice as she spoke to the teacher, that she thought I was being stuck up. And snubbing her. Huh?
Well eventually she left me alone, because the storyteller I was, I told a prank during study break. About my connection to voodoo. One of my classmates I told the story to, jumped up yelling OMG and ran out the room before I could tell him I was joking. By recess, the principal knew and came up to talk about it. But I noticed afterwards she left me alone. Guess she heard the story and believed it too. 😀
Point blank, not everyone will like you. All you can do is choose how to face it. Whether you let it hurt you or not.
So true. And some people will decide not to like you for no reason. To this day, I don't know what a kid I went to school with disliked me. But he did. Our whole schooling career -- from kindergarten on. *shrugs* Choices, eh?
DeleteGood on you for taking action to change your circumstances.
There is so much here. You are right on with a critical issue. I applaud you for both discussing a touchy issue and for the impressive work of producing such a variety of creativity.
ReplyDeleteAw, thanks! There's too much war and anger in the world. I think often it seeps into us, even without notice. It's important to pause now and again, call attention, and root out some of it.
DeleteI agree with your attitude. Someone told me at a dark time in my life: you can't change anyone's actions. You can only change your reaction to them. And I've followed that advice ever since. I try to stay calm and positive and distance myself from harmful people and situations. Because my anger or my anguish only hurt me. They don't hurt the offenders, who mostly don't care or don't even know.
ReplyDeleteSo true! We build our own reality. I wish we knew how powerful we are.
DeleteIt's all a choice. Well, the part that's in our hands, anyway. Hard to let go when you're hurt, though. It can be done.
ReplyDeleteToo true. It can definitely be hard. It's worth the effort though.
DeleteThe hard part is letting go. But yes, we choose but sometimes it takes a lot of efforts.
ReplyDeleteYou wrote a musical? I'm impressed. I know nothing about how to even read the music notes. That probably takes a lot of effort and time. Congrats on that.
Have a lovely day.
It is true. Letting go can be hard.
DeleteAnd yes, writing a musical is a lot of work. More than a book.
Joy is a good choice. I know I've offended some people, but such is life I guess.
ReplyDeleteI'm impressed by the musical. That's my dream. I've been "working" on my own for 50 years. Glad to see you made it to see yours to fruition.
Lee
Yes- reactions are definitely a choice. I've been trying hard to learn to contain my reactions, using guided meditation lately. Roping those reactions in can change the outcome of so many situations and how they are internalized. Good for you for knowing this. And thanks for hosting the blog hop today!
ReplyDeleteThis is so true and something I continue to need to remind myself of. We've been talking a lot about Proverbs 19:11 (overlooking an offense) lately at our house. It's not something I have down, but aim for. And it's important not to take offense as a writer/creator. There will always be someone who will not like your work.
ReplyDeleteI struggle to find joy every day. It doesn't always work then I think back to this tv show I watch a while back.
ReplyDelete"You can't be alive and not get hurt."
Sounds wise.