Wednesday, August 24, 2016

8 Reasons Women Kick Trash

Do you occasionally disappear from reality? Yeah, that was me the last couple weeks. I handed in a manuscript to an editor, critiqued 2 books, survived 2 weeks without my helpful kids around, and last minute got an acceptance letter for a specialized school for my very DIFFICULT child. Needless to say, it's been a very full 3 weeks, but I missed everyone. A ton!

So, I welcome you back with a few chuckles:

1. Men think they're tough, and we allow them to delude themselves.
Because we're awesome like that. ;)

2. Have you seen how many things women take on...and accomplish...simultaneously?

3. Cognitive processes. Women's brains don't function in a straight line. Thus the possibilities are infinite rather than linear. =)
Source
4. We really do hold all the power.

5. Truth, men: Isn't an angry woman more terrifying than an angry man?
Be honest here.
Source
6. We can be adorable WHILE being terrifying.

7. No matter how you try to spin it, women have a ridiculously high pain tolerance.
That goes for more than just physical pain. See, it's a darn good thing we're so nice about it.
Most the time.

8. Because a woman can get through PMS and not do this.
Source
As fun as all that is, women have the most influence in the world. They're the shapers of reality. Builders of the future. Think about that next time you're tempted to put one down, eh?

(Men, if it makes you feel better, I'll type up a post for you soon. 
And it will be awesome epic. With CHEESE.)


Three weeks ago, Carol Riggs shared two truths and one lie with us. The winners were entered to win an eBook of BOTTLED.

The game:


1. Carol loves to swim; it’s one of her favorite things to do in the summer.
2. Carol has been married three times; her current husband is her third.
3. Carol has never gone skiing before, downhill or cross-country.

The lie: #1Carol couldn’t care less if she didn’t swim in a pool or other body of water for the rest of her life. Occasionally she does go swimming, but she doesn’t like to put her face in the water, and she gets a bit nervous when her feet can’t touch the bottom!

Way to guess everyone! And the winner is:

...DRUM ROLL...


Congrats, Sandra!

And now, a book I'm SO stoked about (because I read an early draft and it's well worth getting excited over!)

Saxon barbarians threaten to destroy medieval Wales. Lady Branwen becomes Wales’ last hope to unite their divided kingdoms when her father betroths her to a powerful Welsh warlord, the Hammer King.

But this fledgling alliance is fraught with enemies from within and without as Branwen herself becomes the target of assassinations and courtly intrigue. A young woman in a world of fierce warriors, she seeks to assert her own authority and preserve Wales against the barbarians. But when she falls for a young hedge knight named Artagan her world threatens to tear itself apart. Caught between her duty to her people and her love of a man she cannot have, Branwen must choose whether to preserve her royal marriage or to follow her heart. Somehow she must save her people and remain true to herself, before Saxon invaders and a mysterious traitor try to destroy her.

Get Your Copy HERE.

Ready to meet the author?

Mark Noce writes historical fiction with a passion, and eagerly reads everything from fantasy to literature. Born and raised in the San Francisco Bay Area, he’s an avid traveler and backpacker, particularly in Europe and North America. He earned his BA and MA from Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo, where he also met his beautiful wife. By day, he works as a Technical Writer, having spent much of his career at places like Google and Facebook. In addition to writing novels, he also writes short fiction online. When not reading or writing, he’s probably listening to U2, sailing his dad’s boat, or gardening with his family.

His debut novel, Between Two Fires, is being published by Thomas Dunne Books (an imprint of St. Martin's Press and Macmillan). It is the first in a series of historical fiction novels set in medieval Wales.

Mark gave me two truths and one lie to test your "lie detector" skills. Those who figure out the lie will go into my magic hat for the chance to win a PRINT copy of BETWEEN TWO FIRES. (Open internationally.)

You have until Tuesday, September 6 at 2 p.m. EDT to guess. Be sure to come back for the answers on September 7, 8 a.m. EDT.
TRUTH OR LIE

1. I once ate a package of plastic C4, thinking it was chocolate (it was nighttime people).
2. I take a car, two trains, and walk a mile-and-a-half in order to get to work each day.
3. I may actually be related to the second-most-prolific man in history (King Niall of Ireland).

Oh, and it's not too late to sign up for the cover reveal of TIMELESS.
So sleuths, which is the lie? Who is your favorite TV/movie heroine? Are you a fan of historical fiction?

185 comments:

  1. Kate! Thank you for the Kate shot.
    I'd pay to see River explode Edward's brains.
    I'm really hoping the first one is the lie, Mark.

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    1. Right? I so want to see that show down too.

      Delete
  2. I'm going to hope number one is the lie, too.

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  3. Love the Michonne pic! I always remember that scene where we first meet her - utterly terrifying yet so cool. :)

    Oh, I'm hoping #1 is the lie, too. Yikes!

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    1. Michonne is one of a kind. Seriously. I don't think I've met a more kick-trash character.

      Delete
  4. Another reason we women kick butt: we outlive men.

    Thanks for the book, Carol! I'm looking forward to it.

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  5. I feel your disappearing from reality act. That sounds a bit like me too. Nice memes. I especially liked the Iron Man one. :)

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    Replies
    1. Shame on us, right? Ugh. Hey, I'm coming back full storm in a month.

      Delete
  6. Those were fun memes! Congrats to Mark!

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    Replies
    1. Right? Who doesn't need a little meme pick-me-up on a Wednesday?

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  7. LOL! Had to think a minute for the super cape one. Best of wishes with your daughter. Currently a nanny for a little girl potty training....very stubborn.

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    1. Daughter. YES! The potty training stage... We're both excited and terrified--not that we haven't done this enough times before. *sigh* Life is epic, eh?

      Delete
  8. So good to see you back Crystal... I love that part about how women deal with labor is almost feeling what a man feels like when he has a fever... I've long said that if men had to deal with delivery there would be no children... have a great week xox ♡♡♡

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    1. It's true! LOL. Okay, not entirely. There are a few men who would endure it.

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  9. Welcome back! And love your laughs for today. Hehehe! Yay for Mark! I've been lucky enough to read his new book already, and I loved it. I still want to guess the lie! I'm thinking #1.

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    1. All guesses are welcome. I totally agree. It's a great book.

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  10. I am woman, hear me roar! (Actually, more likely to hear me whimpering in my office as school starts next Monday and I am most certainly not ready! :) Going with #1 as the lie. Best wishes to Mark!

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    1. LOL! Hey, here's some cheese to get you through the tough bits.

      Delete
  11. I loved all of those. The River and Edward made me laugh. And the bathroom cape one...it really does look like that.

    I've been seeing Mark everywhere. Congrats to him!

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    1. I'm saying, we need a River VS Edward tournament. It would be epic!

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  12. Love the super cape. I'll never look at bathroom signs the same way again. And the duck face...*haha* my daughter does that ALL OF THE TIME when she makes selfies :) I'm guessing #1.

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    1. See, your daughter secretly wants to be a werewolf hunting vampire. Just sayin'. ;)

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  13. Oh, yeah. River versus Edward. Love it.

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  14. Hi Crystal, looks like you have done a lot in the last few days. Like you I too read Mark's book in its manuscript stage. Thanks for the laughs, needed it badly today!

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    1. Glad to supply them, Rachna! Take some cheese for the road, eh?

      Delete
  15. Michonne was much scarier in the beginning than she is now, thank God for that

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  16. Ok, I'm guessing #1 is the lie cuz I suspect C4 would probably not agree with anyone. And of course I blew the 3 lies about Carol, I mean, who doesn't like to go swimming?!

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  17. Thanks for the shout out today, Crystal! Glad to be here:)

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  18. I love, love, love the I am Iron Man gif.

    I have to go with #1 as the lie. If for no other reason because he would have figured out if wasn't chocolate from the first bite & wouldn't have eaten the entire package. Maybe I'm being too literal. Congrats Mark. Your book sounds great.

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  19. LOL Those are funny.

    I'll guess #2 is the lie.

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  20. Go River! I'm going to have to dig out my DVDs now! :)
    Congrats to Mark!!! :)

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  21. Welcome back! Women are pretty awesome. And scary. An angry woman is absolutely more terrifying than an angry man. It's just funny to think that some angry, 200 lb. meathead doesn't faze me in the slightest, but when my 5 foot tall wife gets pissed off, welp, it's time to go hide in the fetal position and hope she doesn't find me.

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    1. LOL. I bet she can be pretty scary, but I'm sure she's equal parts awesome.

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  22. Women do kick butt!

    I'm guessing Mark's first story is a lie. One bite maybe, but not the whole thing!

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  23. I'm guessing number two is the lie? And congrats on your son getting into the specialized school! That is awesome news!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks! It was a lottery thing and I totally didn't think it was going to happen.

      Delete
  24. So, I'm sitting in class, watching kiddos make ThingLinks and perusing the blogs. The class is silent. And I see the third meme. And have to cover my mouth so the whole class doesn't wonder why I suddenly burst out laughing...

    I'll guess the lie is #1.

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  25. ow, you've bee nos busy! I hope the new school will help your child. I also think women are responsible for shaping the world. Because we are physically weaker, we learned hundreds of years ago that safety is in numbers and laws. If men ran the world it would mean the biggest bully made the rules and got everything. "Might makes Right." Women are responsible for civilization and the push for equality for all. Big congrats to Sandra for winning the book!!

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  26. Oops! That was "Wow, you've been so busy!" lol

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    1. LOL. My fingers move slower than my brain too. =) I agree 100%. It's a darn good thing they have us.

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  27. I think the first one is the lie. And that labor meme! Funny and so true!

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  28. great reviews!

    I love the sarcasm about Edward Cullen, they deserve it, such characters!

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  29. Sounds like good things were happening in your life during your disappearance. Love the friendzone and labor pain memes. I'm guessing your lie is #1!

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  30. Meme Queen!! *bows* ^_^ The Iron Man one is now my favorite thing ever. :D

    I'm going with #2 for the lie, only because I hope not!

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    1. LOL. I thought everyone had seen that one--in at least one form or another. =)

      Delete
  31. I love #7 the best, although I laughed at all of them. Men seem so very helpless when they have a hangnail. Bless their hearts.

    2. I take a car, two trains, and walk a mile-and-a-half in order to get to work each day. I don't think this is true and if it is. Good grief.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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    1. You too, Sandee! Glad you got in a laugh.

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  32. #7 is my fave.
    Congrats on the book Mark! I guess #1 as the lie.

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  33. Thanks for all the chuckles. I really did love them all. Congrats to Mark on his new book.

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    1. And chuckles for all. That's my mantra...or maybe it's cheese.

      Delete
  34. OMG these were great. #2 was priceless.

    For truth or lie, I'm going with #1.

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    1. Right!? What woman doesn't love hiding her super cape?

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  35. Welcome back, Crystal! Mark's book sounds amazing. I'm thinking #3 is the lie.

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    1. Thanks, Jenni. Now I just need some super glue for my feet so I can't wander off. ;)

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  36. Love you woman post!! We are all that and then some. :)

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  37. Wait, you don't wear a cape to a public restroom?

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    1. Not that everyone can see. A girl's got to keep one or two mysteries, eh?

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  38. Welcome back! You've been a busy gal.

    Women have the ability to menace with their words and the expression on their face, but men are scarier when physical violence comes into the equation.

    If Mark's #2 is a lie, he must have one of the longest commutes in the world, but I'm gonna guess #1 is the fib.

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    1. Did you watch The Walking Dead? Michonne seriously was WAY scarier than any guy.

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  39. LMAO! The one about labor pain cracks me up.

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  40. Thanks for making me laugh! :) Congrats to Mark on his book. Love the cover. Glad you survived the past few weeks. We all knew you had it in you. And yes, I imagine cheese helped you on your journey.

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    1. *bows* I said I'd bring the cheese, eh?

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  41. Those were awesome. *stealing*

    And I'm so happy for Mark!

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  42. Oh... I guess that's okay. ... ...

    Kidding. Go spread the laughs!

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  43. Ha, ha, love it! Awesome post. My favorite female hero is Wonder Woman. I'm going to guess #1 is the lie. I couldn't imagine actually eating that stuff. Congrats to Mark on his new book! And I just signed up for the Timeless cover reveal. Glad to help out!

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    1. I wanted to include Wonder Woman, but her meme were a bit lame. I guess I could have created one...

      Thank you for signing up! You rock to the moon and back.

      Delete
  44. Wow, amazing post.

    Life be like that most times. There is a satisfaction with getting so much together.

    A post about amazing qualities of men. I think that has been done. lol

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  45. I get needing to pull away sometimes. Glad you made it through all that craziness.

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  46. Welcome back! By the time I got through the first month of my first pregnancy, I knew women were stronger than men. We also multi-task like nobody's business. I breastfed a baby while answering the telephone and writing notes AND painting a portrait by holding the brush between my toes. I enjoy historical fiction occasionally. The first movie heroine who pops into my mind is Katie Scarlett O'Hara. She acts in many ways that are abhorrent to us, but we have to remember she's a woman of a different time and place. She takes care of Melanie and delivers her baby in spite of her jealousy (Melanie is quite a woman, too, and I'm always admired her loyalty to Scarlett). Ultimately, Scarlett saves Tara. And she always remembers, tomorrow is another day.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. You are the multitasking queen!

      I'm torn on Scarlett. I like her and I don't. I think it's the character arc that got me--her regression at the end.

      Delete
  47. Bathroom signs will never be the same again! Welcome back.

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  48. Iron Man! Love it! And it's so true--we women are strong because we get through PMS without murder. Between Two Fires sounds so cool. I've never read anything set in medieval Wales before!

    I think the lie is....#2.

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    1. We need a meme that says "PMS survivor, and proud." :) Medieval Wales is quickly becoming one of my favorite historical settings.

      Delete
  49. Hi Crystal - gosh you've had lots going on - but obviously all working out. We do do loads don't we ... but men need to appreciate they can only be around if they let us produce! You've done that.

    Good luck to Mark - he's been around the blogosphere recently and medieval Celtic Wales was a magical time .. cheers Hilary

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    1. Or at least I only talk about the stuff that is working out. ;) That's how we stay positive, eh? Focus on the good.

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  50. What a fun way to start the day.
    Congratulations on the book, Mark.
    I think #2 is the lie.

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    1. Who doesn't need a good chuckle, any time of the day?

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  51. Congratulations, Miss Crystal and nice to have you back.

    I agree that there is nothing scarier than and angry woman because the situation is completely unreadable!

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    1. It's true. With a man you can see what's coming.

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  52. #1 seems like so obviously a lie, that I suspect it must be right. Nevertheless, I still go with #1.

    Enjoyed the pictures.

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  53. That was hysterical - my favorite is #6.

    Congrats to Mark on his release and I really hope #1 is the lie, but it seems so obvious that I'm going to have to go with #2 instead.

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  54. Love the memes. You have been busy. Glad your back.

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    1. Unless the world explodes again...which it just might. I'll have to break out the time machine to clean things up this time.

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  55. Thank you for the wonderful post! I love it and I hope the men love it too! Lol!

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  56. Love the very logical explanation for "Iron Man" :-)

    #1 is the lie.

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    1. I mean, how can you deny it? Obviously it is the truth. ;)

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  57. Oh my gosh, these were so funny. I actually did laugh out loud at number seven. Sorry things have been so crazy hectic for you lately but I'm also glad that good has also come from it too.

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    1. Always! You can't have one extreme without the other, right?

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  58. River is awesome! She can definitely make Edward go poof! Thanks for making me smile, Crystal. Congrats to both authors on their new releases.

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    1. What? Only a smile? Honey, you need more cheese. =)

      (Totally seconding what you said about River.)

      Delete
  59. Love your pics and comments—woman power! Congrats to Mark on the release of BETWEEN TWO FIRES! I've been waiting for this one! :)

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  60. Love your pics and comments—woman power! Congrats to Mark on the release of BETWEEN TWO FIRES! I've been waiting for this one! :)

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    1. Thanks, Kristin! I'm excited for your upcoming book too! :)

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  61. I like the picture and caption with Buffy best; I liked that TV show! But I stopped watching it after Buffy got together with Spike; I was always Team Angel!

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    1. Yeah, we watched it to the end of season two. It was a little over the top silly for us.

      Delete
  62. So glad your child got into that school, that had to be a big relief for you to get that letter. Sounds like you had some crazy busy weeks but it's great to see you back!

    I loved all the photos but I gotta go with the Slayer as my favorite. One of my all time favorite shows. Love that girl. :)

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    1. LOL! And here I was thinking Buffy wasn't going to get any love.

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  63. Woohoo! Congrats to Mark on his book! :o) And to Sandra too, for winning the BOTTLED ebook for my Truth/Lie. :)

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  64. LOL. Great post.
    *puts up hands in surrender, holding #HeForShe sign*
    I come in peace, I swear!!!

    My favorite TV heroine is probably Veronica Mars. Wait... Arya Stark needs a mention, too.
    Michelle Rodríguez-- tv, movies, real life... she's my favorite actress.

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  65. Wow.. love those.. and yes women kick butt all right... that's why I love writing about strong heroines:) Huge congrats to Mark too :)

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    1. I love a story about a strong heroine, but I love one even more about a weak woman becoming strong.

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  66. Love the graphics. Yay woman power. I think 2 is the lie.

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  67. Great memes!

    I am thinking the lie is number 2. If it isn't- that sounds like a lot of traveling for work!

    I think I already signed up to help out with Timeless on our AuthorTracker blog- so I won't sign up again. If I didn't you can let me know and we would be happy to help out.
    ~Jess

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    1. You totally did because you're epic like that. =)

      Delete
  68. I've never been much for "men vs. women" stuff, because it all seems to rely on the idea that all men, or all women, or even worse *both*, are all the same. And I know that's not true.

    I also know that I have no trouble with non-linear thinking, judging by the looks some people give me when I try to explain my thought processes. ^_^

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    Replies
    1. Yes! Everyone is an individual. You know, it was interesting how hard it was to find cool memes. There are a ton that put women down, not so many that build them up. Reverse that, there are a ton on both ends of the spectrum for men, but it was much easier to find positives ones about men.

      Delete
  69. Awesome memes! Yes, of course women are more strong! Iron + man!

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  70. Thanks for the laughs on my Monday morning. Great way to start the week. Just met Mark Saturday, and he's a wonderful person as well as a wonderful writer.

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    1. Thanks, Lee! Loved getting to meet you in person! :)

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    2. Now I'm seriously jealous, you two.

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  71. Terrific Post!!! Thank You
    from
    Iron Man

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  72. Women do kick butt. I'm excited for Mark's book and I don't think he ate C4.

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    Replies
    1. But for all we know it's super tasty, right? (Unless you have a confession to make...)

      Delete
  73. Hello Awesome! Loved those girl-glorifying pics, especially the one noting giving birth is just like a 'male' fever. Way to go. We do tolerate a lot, but, yeah, get a screaming gal and that can be super scary. :-)

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    Replies
    1. Hey, extremes of awesomeness deserve extremes of other things too, eh?

      Delete
  74. I vote Sydney Bristow. Alias was a favorite show of mine. There was a funny video on FB last week that this post made me think of... the husband thought the coffee table and laundry basket were magical cuz every time he put something there it magically got cleaned. The wife was all fed up because she worked as hard as him AND took care of the housework and kids. And he thought it got magically done. Sigh. Story of my life. I AM Iron Man. For sure. Lady Branwen sounds pretty tough, too. And I'm voting that the C4 is the lie.... Christy

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    1. We tried watching Alias. It was a little too...unbelievable for us. (Granted, we started when it was OLD.)

      I saw that post!

      Delete
  75. I'm going with #1 being the lie. A bite, yes. A whole package? What kind of terrible chocolate were you trying to eat, Mark? :p

    Love the memes! Go, ladies!

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    Replies
    1. Right?! It does seem a little strange, but sometimes reality is stranger than fiction.

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  76. Great post! But please don't write one for men! Don't they have a big enough ego?

    Love the friend zone meme! I think it was my favorite.

    I think #2 is the lie. I can't imagine walking a mile and a half to work. Sounds miserable.

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    1. LOL! If I don't write one, I'll have to blame it on you...publicly. But seriously, I'm tempted.

      Delete
  77. Laughing myself silly at your post, it's hilarious and true!!
    I'm going to guess that #1 is the lie. ( at least I hope it is! )

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    1. We need to find more humor in reality, eh? ;)

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  78. Hilarious post! Thanks for the smiles. Thank you for visiting and commenting at my blog too. :)

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  79. Great pics! Somehow the toilet one was the funniest to me. Great to see Mark here, his book is getting a lot of coverage. I'll have to go for #1 for the lie.

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    1. I think that one was pretty great too. I mean, talk about a change of perspective.

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  80. Getting here late, but you know I was out of town. I had to read that "cape" one twice before I got it, then I loved it. For Mark, I have to believe #1 is a lie but everyone is picking it so I'm going with #2.

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    1. Lol. Because what woman forgets to hide her cape, eh?

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  81. Those were fun memes! Congrats to Mark!

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    Replies
    1. Fun as in made you laugh, or fun as in you barely cracked a smile? Because if it's that second one, I'm not doing my job.

      Delete
  82. Ha! This was awesome. I've always loved the quote, 'The man may be the head of the household. But the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head whichever way she pleases.'
    As for the trivia question, I'm going with lie #1

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  83. Stopped by to say, "Hi." Thanks for following my Ride off the Page adventures!

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  84. LOL. Love these women-empowering memes. Good job!

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    1. Thanks for checking them up. We all need a good laugh, eh?

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  85. The memes were fun. Particularly like the one to do with childbirth. :)

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    1. Right? There was this great comedy sketch about a transferal machine that put all the woman's pain into her husband so she could relax through childbirth. It was epic.

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Hit me with your cheese!