Monday, December 16, 2013

Saying Goodbye

You know that sense of loss? --It's not quite a death, but it feels similar.

We said goodbye to some friends yesterday whom I'm really going to miss. They're moving out west for a wonderful job, and while I'm so happy for them, I'm really sad for me.

That sounds selfish, right?

My husband and I have moved way too many times--like once a year for first 13 years worth of marriage. Granted, there were stints where we lived in the same place for 3 or more years, but it was always easy to move: the excitement of a new adventure, the thrill of the next place...

Until we moved to Florida. We stayed in the same house for three years, and so many of our good friends (the kind who may as well be family) moved away and left us behind.

Ouch.

The first one, we survived. We even recovered okay.

The second one hurt more.

That's it, I'm done.
The third time was like opening an old wound with a cheese grater.

The fourth time I held my bleeding heart, hugged my husband, and confessed I didn't think I could do it again. I was done making CLOSE friends just to lose them.

I once heard a wise man say, pain is a symptom of healing. If you're aching, you are growing. You're making progress toward recovery. It's when you stop feeling that you should be concerned.

That's comforting to me. Whether it's a separation from loved ones, or the aches of physical discomfort, experiencing pain means you are living to your fullest. The worst thing we can do is stop living, stop investing, stop trying.

We've since purchased a house and anticipate being quite stable, but saying goodbye to my friends was a reminder of how much I have and haven't opened my heart after these experiences. My wounds are still raw, but I'm trying.

It's times like this I'm especially grateful for this amazing network of global friends. No matter how far we live from one another, we're just a mouse click away. I love you peoples!

What are you especially grateful for today? Have you had a similar experience?

Oh and a quick heads up! Rachel Schieffelbein is asking all kinds of embarrassing and awesome things at her blog today. Stop in and say "hi," eh?

48 comments:

  1. Sometimes I worry that I should be feeling pain when I'm not, and that someday it's all going to hit me like a punch in the face. But maybe I'm just unusually resilient...

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  2. Saying goodbye to friends and family is hard. I live far from my husband's family and my mom. I always feel so sad we don't live closer when it's time to leave. And yes, it's great having friends through our blogs. We can remain friends no matter where we live.

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    1. Same story here. My family is all at least 1000 miles away, most of them 2000. I guess it hits more around the holidays, eh?

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  3. Love you too :)
    Yep. Our neighborhood has several empty houses that used to be filled with framily (I combined friends and family there!) I told my husband, "I hate change!"
    But it's life and we have to move on...I guess.

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    1. We live in a society that's much less confined, location wise, than it's ever been, eh?

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  4. Oh! I guess that means I'm doing LOADS of healing. Heh. *waits for it to hurry up and get on with it!*

    I've moved many, many times in my adult life too. I definitely have itchy feet and am a wanderer at heart. All my close friends are internet friends. :)

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    1. I guess that's just the way it works these days.

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  5. A symptom of healing. I'll remember that.
    I was a military brat and we moved a lot when I was younger. Most of those friends I've lost touch with.

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    1. Isn't it great to live in a day and age where you no longer have to lose track of them? (Ahem, facebook. Yup. You so need to be there.)

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  6. Yes pain is a sigh of healing! Truly wise words indeed. It's always difficult to part with friends, but such is life...it's ever-changing and ever-evolving.

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    1. The name of the game, eh? Too true. You're pretty wise yourself, Keith.

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  7. Yes, I've had close friends move far away. Thankfully it's easier to keep in touch now than it used to be, but it's still not the same. :( Saying goodbye is always hard.

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    1. Even when you live in vacation world and know they'll be back to visit, some day. =)

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  8. Some close friends moved to Cyprus about five years ago - but, hurrah, they survived and they're back. Never give up hope, and look forward.
    I love that kangaroo, even though he looks like he's had enough!

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    1. He does, doesn't he? He made me chuckle.

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  9. This has happened many times with me. The internet has softened some of those goodbyes, but even then, sometimes I lose people forever. Such is life.

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    1. It's true, it just happens with much greater frequency in some places. Especially touristy places. =)

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  10. It is always tough to leave good friends or lose them... :-/

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  11. I live in NYC where people come and go, so I know exactly how you feel. The one good thing is that they tend to come back through the city now and then, and we have a place for them to stay! But yeah, online friends are there at all times. Nice!

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    1. Yes! Orlando is the same way. People come for the fun, get burned out, move on for stable reality, and occasionally pop back in to visit.

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  12. Good byes are always hard.

    Maybe it would help to look at it this way -- you're not losing your friends. That would be the case if you and they had a falling out and they never wanted to see you again. You're just transplanting friends to a new location where you now have a place to go visit.

    And making friends and connections is always a wonderful thing, whether they're friends for a day or for the rest of your life. Never let the fear of a painful separation prevent you from the joy of the time you're connected.

    I wish you the endless love and warmth of a whole lifetime of close friendship!

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    1. Aw, thanks Chris. You're a pal and a half. =)

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  13. When I moved away from Patrick City to Greater Portmore in third grade it was tough because I had made close friends with our neighbours. One even went to the same school as me. But we haven't had to move since and that's good. Losing friends is hard but feeling nothing would be creepy. That man is truly wise. Get on woth the healing Crystal and don't be like that glum kangaroo.

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  14. I never really made any new, close friends since I moved to CA.

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  15. It is so hard to go through that - sending hugs your way! Being part of the military, I've been through the same heartbreaks a few times. :( And, I'm being super selfish right now because my son is about to leave for the Navy. I keep telling him and everyone else, I'm happy for him, but sad for me. It's going to be hard. Really hard.

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    1. I think you're allowed to be a little selfish in that situation. I might be a total cling-freak when my kids first leave home.

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  16. I was emotionally gutted and extremely depressed when my family moved away from Albany in August '96, right before my junior year of high school started. The next 10 months were a nightmare. Though my parents and brother moved up to Massachusetts in April '97, I decided to stay with my grandparents to finish up the school year. I'd been cheated out of enough and wasn't going to uproot myself just when I was finally starting to kind of like the school and getting to know more people. I didn't let myself get too attached to Pittsfield, though I wasn't entirely apathetic when we left and moved back to Albany in February 2003. Once I was back in the city, I realised that I'd missed people and situations more than the actual city. It didn't feel the same now that I was an adult, without everyone I'd remembered.

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    1. It's so true. You can do many things, but you can't go back in time. What everyone is saying about change is true. We have to enjoy situations while we're in the midst of them, eh?

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  17. That's tough. At least you can keep in touch with good friend via social media and technology.

    I've lived here in the St. Louis area most of my life, and so many of us are wrapped up with our kiddos, it's really difficult to keep those friendships going. We've got some great neighbors, but I guess I don't have any real close friendships either.

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    1. I know what you mean. My kids kind of dominate the world. (Or at least, they dominate my world.) I think there are stages in life when it's more difficult to be social, but social media fits in the cracks, eh?

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  18. It's always hard when good friends move a long distance away. It just takes more effort to stay in touch.

    Posted your Lies on the Write Game Friday. Thanks for sending the answers. They were fun.

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    1. Yay! Thank you for helping out with the tour. You are rock-tastic!

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  19. I learned to say goodbye young, being part of a military family. I learned to do it, but it doesn't make it any easier. :(

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    1. =( If only you'd had facebook, twitter, and tumblr, eh?

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  20. You'll just have to keep up with them on Facebook.

    It's hard to lose good friends. But maybe you now have a good excuse to travel--to visit them in their new home.

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    1. Yeah, now they just need to line my pockets with traveling money--as their penance for moving away. ;)

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  21. I know the feeling. We moved to a college town to go to school years ago and never left. We were always saying goodbye to our friends, but some eventually DID stay, so hang in there! It gets better.Shells–Tales–Sails

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    1. College towns are tough. We lived in one in NY, but truthfully, we didn't have as many people moving in and out there as in Kissimmee, FL. People come for Disney, then move away because there aren't any jobs.

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  22. I'm grateful that Favorite Young Man is sitting next to me, watching Monday Night Football. I don't bother to make friends anymore. I'm too tired to think of how many times we moved. Now that I'm divorced I hope the only move I make is into Heaven (it's not here in Florida).

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. --Especially when it's this cold out. Brr! ;)

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  23. It's always so, so tough to say goodbye to friends and family who are moving away. I've done it too many times to count, to be honest. Sorry you've been dealing with this lately!

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    1. Aw, thanks Heather. I'm okay with friends moving away--it doesn't happen nearly as much as it used to--but it is still hard.

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  24. My husband and I are the ones who're about to move! We're heading across the country to Cape Town in a few weeks. In all my excitement, I keep forgetting how it sucks for our parents and friends to be left here. It's never nice to be the ones left behind!

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    1. Yeah! I'd much rather be doing to leaving. Actually, I'd rather have a world stopper snow globe where I can just capture a time frame, keep it wrapped in a bubble and not have to move on until I'm ready. =)

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Hit me with your cheese!