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| HUGE thanks to Alex J. Cavanaugh and his cohosts, Nancy Gideon, Tamara Narayan, Liesbet @ Roaming About, and Feather Stone! |
But before I get into that, a HUGE thanks to Operation Awesome for inviting me to share a guest post about running blog tours during the #AtoZChallenge. (Check it out!) Now back to our regular program...
We all know the rules: Behave yourself. Be polite. Don't be a troll.
Or at least we think we all know those rules. I had a moment where I began to wonder, seriously wonder if humanity is lost. Let me tell you about it. (And before we start spouting political opinions about the subject discussed in this thread, keep in mind this is about social conduct and respect, not political opinion. Please refrain from commenting about your like or dislike of President Trump.)
Recently I posted a status update on Facebook about the statement President Trump made at 3 AM after bombing the Syria airport that delivered chemical weapons. I was surprised by 3 things: the compassion you can't help but feel as he speaks, the fact he spoke of God (for the first time that I'd heard), and that he mentioned prayer. Really? All from the lips of Trump. And then, I expressed my hesitant support of the bomb drop with a hope it won't lead to further conflict.
Well, you know how people are. If you mention the word "Trump," (especially with any kind of positive spin) some will zero in on you as their next meal.
And this was the case.
Two such people decided to make my post a flaming war. The first, I asked to refrain from commenting so vehemently. After the second, I told them they were welcome to their opinions, but I liked mine more. (With a winky face.)
And then...
The one kept going, throwing insults at the President.
I asked him to quit.
He continued on.
I asked him to respect that this was my personal Facebook feed and to please refrain from commenting.
He continued by calling Trump a puppet.
Again, I asked him to stop.
At which point he made a public statement about how he was going to defriend me--because we couldn't be friends if I thought Trump had a sincere bone in his body.
Wow, right?
So I asked him to please carry out his threat, finishing with "This is MY feed, and I should be able to state how I feel. If you're too biased to live and let live, we're better of not associating."
Then he called Trump a nasty word on my feed.
And that was the point at which I began to lose faith in people. I do my research, and I admit to not knowing everything, but I don't write anything in social media without a great deal of thought. Now this is where things changed. Several friends (from both sides of the political spectrum) stepped up and called him out.
One person asked if this was the kind of world we live in--where you have to go unfriending everyone who disagrees with you, essentially taking your ball and going home.
Another person scolded him for using fowl language on my feed.
Yet another asked if he was an adult.
Someone else told him to grow up and stop being mean and hurtful.
And suddenly my faith was restored in people.
So if you're having one of those days where you've lost your faith in humanity, fear not. Good people are out there, quietly hovering. They just need a call to action. However, some people cannot see beyond their own noses to begin grasping even the concept of respect. If you're ever confronted by one of those, feel free to be the adult in the room and turn your back, unfriend, or walk away.
[And a quick aside: There's all this rhetoric about the US president, so much misinformation, propaganda, and hate. I have disagreed with pretty much every president in some regard, but I still respected the office. When an election is complete, an election is complete and the nation is supposed to come together as a whole and heal. That isn't happening. Is it because we can't be friends and disagree on political aspects? Tell me, what is going on, because I fear for the future of this great nation--and not because of Syrian or Russian retaliation.]
Two weeks ago, S.M. Boyce shared LICHGATES along with two truths and one lie. Anyone who guessed was entered to win an eBook.
The game:
1. Before quitting to write full time, I used to work as a software tester and was even promoted to lead/deemed the project expert of the software.
2. I planned a cross-country move from Maryland to Washington state in 2 weeks, from idea to move-in.
3. Due to an addiction to glittery things, I own 24 carats worth of diamond jewelry.
The game:1. Before quitting to write full time, I used to work as a software tester and was even promoted to lead/deemed the project expert of the software.
2. I planned a cross-country move from Maryland to Washington state in 2 weeks, from idea to move-in.
3. Due to an addiction to glittery things, I own 24 carats worth of diamond jewelry.
The lie: #3.
From Boyce: Though this isn't true, I do have a bit of a jewelry addiction after working at Zales Jewelers in my college years. I was my boss's favorite customer for quite awhile!
From Boyce: Though this isn't true, I do have a bit of a jewelry addiction after working at Zales Jewelers in my college years. I was my boss's favorite customer for quite awhile!
And the winner is:
...DRUM ROLL...
Congrats, Barbara!
Speaking of people coming to our rescue, how about a rockin' Superhero book:
The streets of Arcania are overrun with crime, deteriorating as a madman named Fortune makes himself at home. He shows no mercy, striking down anyone in his path – including Nova Benson’s little sister. Devastated, Nova vows to seek justice for her family, but aside from her freak strength and impenetrable skin, how is she supposed to stop a monster like Fortune?
Cole Warner wants to help people. Entrusted to keep his family’s secret, he’s also frustrated at having to hide his gift. He knows he could do more to help in the fight against Fortune. If he could convince his sister Penelope to join him, they might even have a chance at beating him. When Cole meets Nova, he realizes his whole world is about to change. And he’s going to welcome it with open arms.
Falling for each other wasn’t part of the plan.
Then again, neither was becoming a superhero.
Buy your copy on Amazon.
Ready to meet the author?
Comic book readers and fans of CW Network smash hits Arrow, The Flash, Legends of Tomorrow, and Netflix’s Daredevil will root for Liz Long’s bestselling YA summer series as the HoA’s gifted teen superheroes attempt to save their city from its impending demise. The Donovan Circus series has best been described as "X-Men meets the circus." Adult horror story Witch Hearts tells the tale of a serial killer hunting witches for their powers. New Adult PNR A Reaper Made is about a teen Reaper who gets caught between falling in love or saving her sister's soul. All titles are available for paperback or ebook on Amazon.
To learn more about Liz (including more information on her books, plus writing, marketing, and social media tips), visit her website: http://lizclong.com.
You might stumble across her on the couch in her slanket, singing about my Night Cheese (30 Rock, anyone?) while munching on brie and apples. Or smoked Gouda.
Liz gave me two truths and one lie to test your "lie detector" skills. If you guess the lie, right or wrong, you will be entered to win an eBook of SUPERNOVA. (Open internationally.) IF YOU DON'T HAVE A BLOGGER ACCOUNT WITH AN EMAIL ON THE PROFILE, PLEASE LEAVE YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS IN THE COMMENTS OR EMAIL IT TO crystal@crystal-collier.com WITH YOUR SCREEN ALIAS.
You have until Tuesday, May 16th at 2 p.m. EDT to guess. Be sure to come back for the answer on May 17, 8 a.m. EDT.
TRUTH OR LIE
1. I've appeared as a Jeopardy contestant.
2. I have interviewed Kevin Costner and Bill Maher.
3. I was once involved in an FBI case.
So sleuths, which is the lie? Have you ever faced a cyberbully? What solution do you propose for healing the US? Have you met Liz Long? Do you like superhero books?
I like how you summed that up - still respect the office.
ReplyDeletePeople just go off the deep end sometimes. It is disrespectful. (And ironic that those who scream loudest for open mindedness and the most closed minded.) But that's great you maintained civility and had so many come to your defense.
I'm going to guess the first one is the lie.
It's one of the greatest kindnesses we can develop to have a cool head, eh?
DeletePart of the trouble is that nowadays everyone seems so eager to teach/convince/bludgeon others with what they think is right, that they see nothing wrong in haranguing someone in their own space. I notice most trolls never start these flame wars on their own walls. They just go looking to pick fights on others' spaces. It's so sad. I can't stand the way dialogue and debate has been reduced to harangues and ad hominem attacks.
DeleteSocial media can provoke such different reactions than an in-person conversation. (Or maybe not?) I think #3 is the lie.
ReplyDeleteI would hope so! My goodness, can you imagine having that conversation on the corner with someone?
DeleteWow. So much for "tolerance", huh? Live and learn. Glad you had a true friend in that mix.
ReplyDeleteNice to meet Liz! Wishing her much success. Sending love and hugs your way. And cheese, too. :)
Yeah... Tolerance is dead.
DeleteComplaining and arguing on social media isn't going to change anyone's mind anyway. Plus it's hateful and rude. You handled it well. I always keep in mind that the person arguing the hardest is usually wrong.
ReplyDelete#2 is the lie.
Yup. The best thing to do is to just close it down when people get heated.
DeleteI find it sad that someone would "defriend" a person over a different political view. My oldest friend voted differently than I did in the past election. If I lost that friendship it would be devastating to me. I just can't understand that mentality.
ReplyDeleteI see so much ugliness on Twitter coming from both sides that sometimes I feel like I can't even go on the site. But lately I've decided that's kind of letting the bullies win so I go and focus on the things and people I enjoy. I admit though that social media seems to be becoming uglier and uglier and it's harder to want to be involved on any of the sites.
It would be one thing if that person was provoked. It's another when they should not have been.
DeleteSo yes, we should steer clear, but it's also important to know when to stand our ground.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI don't mind when people disagree with me, but to be hateful doing it is unproductive at best. I agree with Alex when he said "And ironic that those who scream loudest for open mindedness and the most closed minded." I've seen it all to much, from both sides of the spectrum.
ReplyDeleteI was glad to read your post! I hope you won't have to go through something like this again. (But unfortunately, it's probably going to happen anyway. :( sad.) Just stay strong and pass them by. :)
PS..that deleted comment was by me...My name didn't show up for some reason!
Rene! I couldn't comment on your blog, unfortunately, but I very much appreciate your thoughts. Truthfully, the discussion was more productive than not--in other threads, but yes, I hope this is the exception in social media threads.
DeleteEGADS!!! Don't get me started on social media and people talking like total lunatics!!! Personally my fingers itch to make comments, but no matter what you say, or how you say it, you get more and more frustrated with opposing and ignorant comments. Once and only once I posted the controversial views regarding abortion and the candidates views, and I was blasted out of the page. So, I try ever so hard, not to comment or post about politics.
ReplyDeleteDuring the election, I nearly lost my mind with all the negativity exploding on Facebook. And it's never going to end because haters will be haters.
Yeah, the only thing you can really do is shut them down or politely ask them to stop. Which apparently doesn't always work. ;)
DeleteI think sometimes social media makes it easier to say things, and to say them in a way we wouldn't normally, to someone in person. I try to treat others the way I want to be treated whether online or in real life.
ReplyDeleteYeah, any time people get behind an electronic device, it seems they forget they're interacting with real people. Not machines.
DeleteHi Crystal, I’m so sorry you were subjected to that I know it’s difficult, but you have to try to ignore it and remember there are far better people in the world. Actually, I don’t even need to say that because it's obvious when you read the rest of the exchanges.
ReplyDeleteMoving on to nicer things (much nicer things!) thanks so much to you and to S.M. Boyce, I’m delighted to be a winner.
It was fun to meet Liz, and I wish her every success with everything. My guess is #1 is the lie.
I'm so glad you won! And you even guessed the lie right. That's because you're epic.
DeleteI don't bother with politics on social media. It's such a no win situation there's no point.
ReplyDeleteToo true, but I hoped a few people would actually go and watch the statement based on the post. And there were some. It accomplished what I hoped.
DeleteAs someone who has kept an observant eye on the treatment and media handling of the president and congress since looooooong before the impeachment of Bill Clinton back in the 1990's, from both a liberal and conservative perspective, I am not surprised by what is happening in social media. Sometimes it does not pay to maintain a longer memory, to recognize the difference in the long game vs. the short game, to see both the big picture and the details and see the historical significance or lack thereof in certain situations. But, when it comes to one's own opinions, I've come to realize they are the thoughts of the person expressing them.
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing #1 is the lie.
It has been quite disheartening watching the evolution of society into this instant gratification/me-me mentality. The only thing constant is change, however, so I suppose it was to be expected?
DeleteI think you handled that very well Crystal, and kept your dignity. Congratulations to LIZ. I'm gonna share the love now: what a beautiful author pic! Such a friendly smile. Loving the cover too. I'm offer to buy that book.
ReplyDeleteHave a great week, Crystal and take good care of yourself and your bump :) When is the due date?
She does look so friendly, right? (Glad to have you here today, Liz!)
DeleteThank you, Nicola. Due in September. It's going to be a LONG summer. ;)
I, too, am disturbed by people (from both sides of the issue) who are so rabid in their beliefs. I sometimes fear we are loosing the ability to hold a civilized conversation, a rational debate, without it turning into personal attacks. There was once a thing called compromise when people with differing opinions/beliefs actually talked to each other until they figured out a middle way that worked for both sides.
ReplyDeleteI've learned to stay away from most all political discussions on social media. It will only lead to the tearing out of one's hair.
Liz's book sounds like a winner. I'm going with #2 as the lie.
Yeah, when a discussion boils down to name calling, you know you're past the point of reason. I miss the days of compromise. Heck, I'm married. I don't know how people live without surviving on compromise!
DeleteI don't know if I'm a hater, but I admit to being surprised when I read some of the tweets and FB posts. Sometimes I think they don't realize how it can be interpreted. (I like to think everyone is good hearted.)
ReplyDeleteAnna from elements of emaginette
Way to be! I agree with you and always want to see the best in people too.
DeleteI'm not a social media hater, but I would not have responded to your post. I avoid those types of posts on social media. The responses just always seem to explode, even when they are done with mild intentions.
ReplyDeleteGood for you. It's important to know where our limits are and avoid the rest, eh? Actually, there were a number of very rational, opposing dialogs throughout the thread, so I'm glad I posted it. It was good to see some people respectfully discussing the issues.
DeleteYes, I think you handled this well and am glad that your faith in humanity was restored. People can be hateful on social media. I've seen it in regards to book reviews and book review bloggers too. We all have to be careful what we say and how we react to things, especially in relation to the president right now. I had a touchy situation regarding him that I had to handle well too.
ReplyDeleteI know! It's like people don't realize actual people write books. What is wrong with the world?
DeleteAmen, sister! Gotta respect the office. We won't agree with every person on the planet--ever. But sheesh, find the good in people. Good for you for sticking up for your beliefs/opinions!!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jennifer. I'm a firm believer that there is good in everyone, even those we disagree with on EVERY aspect out there.
DeleteI agree with Natalie that you handled it very well. Sometimes the things I see on social media make me cringe. My guess for the lie is #3.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Christine.
DeleteSocial media brings out the worst in many people. Like that song: "haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate." Many of the posts I see there are appalling and pure bullying. I do my best to steer clear of anything remotely political. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Carol. It's been a long time since I posted anything even remotely political, but this was something I needed to say. The backlash was mostly expected.
DeleteSocial media is such a difficult thing to navigate. I rarely share any personal/political opinions on it for this reason. I think some people will say things to you through a keyboard that they wouldn't say to your face, and that makes it volatile.
ReplyDeleteI agree. They really will. Actually, I'm better online because I put time behind my thoughts, but in person, I'd have to walk away huffing after a confrontation like that.
DeleteUgghh, social media can be so stressful. I stick to animal photos and such. LOL. You handled it well, though.
ReplyDeleteAnd...I'll say #1 is the lie ;)
LOL! Animal pictures are good as far as I'm concerned!
DeleteI'm going with #1 as the lie.
ReplyDeleteI remember that discourse! I usually refrain from all political posts because I've found that there are too many people who care nothing about having a rational discussion. Too many are more concerned with the power remaining with their party rather than what is best for America.
I believe I did chime in on your post because one of my biggest pet peeves is when people try to bully other people out of their right to speak their mind. I see posts all the time that don't align with my political views so I scroll past. I don't try to beat up the poster in the comments. To me, that's like showing up to the opposite sides rally and heckling the speaker. It's just rude.
I hate the power play, and yes, you did speak up. I remember that and appreciated it. You know, it really was a good thing in the end, because I think it drew people's attention to the fact we all need to be a little slower to the draw.
DeleteThis past election brought out haters in full force, and it's continuing as we speak, as your experience shows. I used the opportunity to unfollow on both Facebook and Twitter those who use vile language regarding political views. I don't want to see their feeds. I like my social media to make me happy or educate me in some way, not a place to feel terrible when exposed to hateful comments or world views. I remember reading your post that day, and I believe I clicked Like, because it was a very positive, heartfelt response to something that happened. I didn't read comments, glad I didn't now!
ReplyDeleteYou know, not all the comments were bad. In fact, most of them were fair and balanced. There were only two people who felt their opinions needed to be heard above all else. All things considered, that's pretty good, right?
DeleteUgh. Social Media ... it's changed, and some people use it as an avenue to be mean. I agree with Karen's comment: I use the opportunity to unfollow people.
ReplyDeleteThat approach definitely works.
DeletePeople lose their minds behind their avatars sometimes. And furthermore, it's like super toxic to keep flailing like that. It doesn't help anything, and he's just making himself madder. You have so much more patience than I do. In 2012, I posted a "wow, really" on Facebook about a crazy statement a politician made and someone I barely know tried to attack me over it. I deleted the guy after two comments.
ReplyDeleteI'm going with #1 for the lie. Maybe she was on Wheel of Fortune?
LOL. He really was. That's why I asked him to take it elsewhere.
DeleteYou know, if you barely know someone, that's the way to go. For whatever reason, we don't feel obligated to be civil with people we've never met face to face?
I once got trolled for something I can't even remember, and tried to be diplomatic with her, asking her to stop. Until she started ranting at one of my friends, that is, then I decided to block her and delete her comments. I don't have the time or the patience to bother. I asked her several times to stop attacking us on my timeline, but she said she had a right to 'express her views' wherever she liked. Wrong. If I invited someone to my house for a chat, only for them to rant at me and my friend because we disagreed with her about something, they'd expect to be thrown out. What's the difference? That is why Block and Delete are Sooooo cool and should be used more, IMHO. :)
ReplyDeleteI also unfollow a majority of those who have massively differing opinions because I don't have the right to moan about them, or to change their opinions, but it doesn't mean I want to be inundated by their bile every day, either. But other than this specific opinion on something, they might be great people, so I wouldn't want to block or unfriend them. It's a minefield out there!
But you're right, humanity is ticking along nicely. Social media has simply given thoughtless voices a platform, which is a shame.
Shah X
Shah, that's definitely a time to block someone. I've had very lively debates on threads in the past where friends of opposing views really hashed it out, but in the end, I was always able to moderate it and came to an okay conclusion.
DeleteYou know, there's these awesome feature on Facebook where you can say "see less of this" when someone posts on a subject you really don't like. I've found that a wonderful tool.
I absolutely believe people should be able to say what they want, and if others don't like it, they should just ignore it and move on. I'm happy your faith was restored in the end.
ReplyDeleteThank you. And yes, there are times to be silent when you know what your opinions will provoke others, but my goodness, we're talking about potential world conflict. How can it not be discussed?
DeleteYesterday, someone on an author FB group I'm in posted the question: "Is there a way to privately message someone who left you a review on Amazon?" And I just thought: "No, no, NO, don't do it!" (Assuming, of course, this author wanted to debate a review versus thank the reviewer. Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions?)
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, no please!! That's one place you NEVER go, right?
DeleteThis election has really polarized people. It's difficult to have any conversation about 45 without getting extremely strong reactions in response, and if you're a writer, you're bound to have many friends who are strongly on the left. So yeah, you'll get push back.
ReplyDeleteIt's too bad that people can't just listen to opposing views and state their opinions calmly without the name calling and other insults. I seem to recall that discourse started calmly and then quickly went downhill, but I could be wrong. I just avoid talking about politics on my feed, except for environmental concerns. That I can't stay quiet about, and I have had push back from my family members who work in the oil industry.
Sorry this happened to you.
You know what, it was okay. Really. The only thing this experience did was make me concerned that there is a percentage of the populace that must be heard above all else. Sure, that's always been the case, but a soft answer is supposed to turn away wrath, right?
DeleteThat's why, for the most part, I try to keep politics and religion off my pages. There are too many trolls out there, but I do believe there are more good people than bad.
ReplyDeleteLiz is awesome! I've met her in person. I still need to read this book, though. I'll guess #1 as the lie.
Yes indeed. In fact, I think this post proves that.
DeleteHow lucky you are!
It's a shame you were treated so poorly on FB, but I think you handled it beautifully. Good for you! (And for those who came to your defense.) I'm old enough to remember when people could disagree on any topic without it turning into a disrespectful session of hateful name-calling. I guess social media makes it seem "safer" for people to spew rude hateful things. Why can't we calmly agree to disagree and go on to something else?
ReplyDeleteOkay, I'll guess #3 is the fib. I HOPE #1 is true. :)
Susan, exactly that. And that's what I had hoped to see. In fact, there was this silly little hope that if I could treat him with respect, he would wake up and reciprocate. It usually works. *shrugs* There are exceptions to every rule, eh?
DeleteAs an American expatriate living on the European Continent, I didn't realise how much anger and mistrust exist in my country. It seems as if we have taken three steps back and forgotten what the word respect mean.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your experience.
Shalom aleichem,
Pat G
You nailed that on the head. It has gotten bad, and with one side of the political spectrum controlling pretty much all of the media, it's only getting worse.
DeleteAnd that's why there's a mute button... Or maybe sending real curses through the internet is actually working? No, that's just my WIP ;-) If people would only realise that they should treat others like they would like to be treated, the world (and social media) would be a much better place. Lots of hugs and cheese :-)
ReplyDeleteAgreed! And that's what it boils down to. People are forgetting that they are interacting with PEOPLE rather than electronics.
DeleteI have to say this, and call me a troll if you want, but I'm really uncomfortable with you posting these images. Did you get Daniel's permission? Because, otherwise it's pretty problematic, even if you're posting them as an example.
ReplyDeleteWell, since I'm no longer in touch with Daniel... Most of his identity is concealed. I'm comfortable with that.
DeleteYet, I'm not. A post like this is doing the same thing you are upset with him about: not caring for what the other person said so calling them out for it. How is what you're doing different? Using it as an example is still saying how you're right, he's wrong, and now he's defenseless? Would you be okay if he found this post?
DeleteI would. The point of the post is allowing people to speak their mind and being tolerant of differences. There were several threads in the conversation with major disagreements that were carried out peacefully. Any adult using social media should be mature enough to step back when they are met with respect.
DeleteWell, as respectfully as I can, I'm going to say that when I read this I find it to be a little childish. You're going behind his back to say this, and indirectly calling him a troll and hater. I don't think that puts you in any higher category than him.
DeleteI guess if that's how you feel. I could have referred to the incident without any specifics I suppose, but it happened. It's public. The only way to erase the incident would be to return to the source and delete his original comments. What I'm say is, he put this out there. If he wasn't comfortable with his words and opinions being available for anyone to see, he shouldn't have posted them, or should have deleted them afterwards. I do apologize for the inference of calling him a troll. That was not my specific intention, but rather to draw attention to this kind of behavior on the internet--but more specifically, the intolerance of differing ideas.
DeleteJust to be clear though, your facebook feed isn't public. Only your friends can see it. And after the rift, he couldn't of deleted them. So, now on an actual open site--your blog--he's being blasted. I feel strongly about being respectful of other's opinions, but this is one-sided.
DeleteExcept the post was public. Not private. Not only available to friends. That's one of the newer settings on Facebook. It can be searched. Meradeth, I am sorry this rubbed you wrong. Believe me when I say no offense was intended. I am drawing attention to the behavior in general.
DeleteThe name calling and passive digs on both sides of the argument is often what drives my spirits down. My wish is for people generally to elevate the discussion to the facts. Part of the problem is the medium. It's hard to express one's full opinion on Twitter. And part of the problem is Twitter as a company. They have always had options to enforce a more elevated discussion, to elevate the etiquette, but they haven't. In case anyone is wondering, I lean liberally to the left, and it saddens me to see people who identify as liberal voice their opinions in such a way. The world is too divided at the moment, and that's the saddest thing in all of this, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteYou know there was some of that--the rational discussion of events surrounding the post. And it was carried out politely. Except for this one person. And one other. But, in the end, it all came to a close amicably, except for this one.
DeleteI decided to cut back a bit on social media because it was eating up my life. It's so easy to get sucked into Twitter and Facebook and Tumblr and everything else. It's also easy to get followed by bots or crazies. I've definitely metaphorically bitten my lip when reading things online. It's a delicate balance of keeping up with the people and things I want to keep up with, staying informed, but keeping my sanity.
ReplyDeleteBut I'll admit, I've unfriended and unfollowed people I don't agree with religiously or politically or what-have-you. I don't think I need to associate with people who think people who don't look them aren't also people or that people who don't love or act or believe the way they do aren't also people.
Agreed. There may be one or two people I've unfriended in my social media career, and only ever because they post nude pictures I'd rather not stumble across in my feed. (Understandably, right?) However, if I'm a friend with someone in social media, it's because I chose specifically to be their friend. I'd like to know how they think, even if I don't agree. I think it's the writer in me.
Deletewell, when you get yourself into the topic of American presidents you really must expect some heated answers :) I mean they're all evil killers and masters of fabricated lies. And my advice is never to write posts about these things, sister, saying that as a friend. I mean trashing someone in a post. Do it face to face, if you must, not in a revenge post even if you feel you're right or if you really are. It's just bad karma. Trolls and hates must be ignored.
ReplyDeleteI hear you, but the point of the post was not to trash someone. It was to point out a common failing in our society. If we're not the voice of change, who will be?
DeleteI like to imagine how this conversation would flow face to face rather than on a computer. I try and envision someone continuing to badger you after being asked to stop. Social media has convinced all of us that our opinions matter always and forever, and must be spouted regardless of situation. I keep hoping we will move through this, and figure out how to be relateable, human, kind to one another again.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you there--the hope. And that's why I wrote this post today, because I hope.
DeleteSocial media can be a total nightmare. People can fly off the handle because they are hiding behind a screen. Honestly the elections for both Obama and Trump have shown a lot in the lack of basic human decency. People are too busy wanting to be 'right' that they don't listen. For personal things, my social media is strictly limited. I only do facebook and I post rarely. Most of my social media interactions are done for author purposes and I keep things away from any hot topics. Sorry you had to deal with that.
ReplyDeleteGood for you establishing those boundaries. Truthfully, I really love a political debate, as long as it can be handled respectfully. In fact, in the same thread I had several discussions with other people of differing opinions, and we were able to come to peaceful agreements, or disagreements. But there's always that one, eh?
DeleteI try to keep my political opinions to myself on social media to avoid this kind of conflict. So sorry you had to put up with that!
ReplyDeleteYou know, it was okay. As I said, I saw both ends of the spectrum and the good, considerate people of the world really do outweigh the others.
DeleteI've been seeing a lot of threats of defriending or unfollowing just because someone has said something someone else doesn't agree with. Actually had a bestie state people should unfollow her if they voted for Trump. I headdesked. Honestly, I don't care who you vote for. People have their reasons and there are very few reasons that should end a friendship in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteRight!? That's what I'm talking about. Do we live in such a childish society that it's my way or the highway?
DeleteWell done you for keeping your cool and not getting in an all out argument with him, not sure I could have done the same in your situation! Everyone's entitled to their opinion.
ReplyDeleteLOL. Lots of practice. ;)
DeleteI have a couple friends who are big Facebook posters. One believes Trump is somewhere between a raving maniac and the anti-Christ. The other sees him as the savior who will lead this country down the chosen path. I follow their political posts because it reminds me there are people on both sides who are so locked in, they'll find something to hate in everything that goes on in Washington. And they'll feel the need to tell you what and why. My suggestion for next time (if this happens again) - tell the person you find their hateful comment offensive and delete it. You can delete any comment added to your post without deleting your post. Believe me, I've used that feature.
ReplyDeleteYeah. I could have done that, but here's the thing. I wanted a fair shake. I'm not one of those people who can't tolerate other people's opinions. In fact, I do appreciate their perspectives on different sides of the aisle, so long as they can agree to disagree in the end. In the end, this conversation became an example not just to me, but to other people who followed the thread, and I hope that it was eye opening to all involved--not that we can't disagree with others, but that we need to be respectful in the way we do it.
DeleteI appreciate what you were trying to do but I wouldn't have had your patience. He was way over the line.
DeleteI followed that thread and was impressed that you kept your cool. One of my problems w/ social media is that ppl tend to type things they'd never dare say face to face. But the same goes for my teens and texting. Relationships and dealing with others has changed along with the technology. Not always for the better.
ReplyDeleteI've had a little practice. One writing friend and I are at polar extremes in every single view related to religion or politics. Yet we're still friends. There were moments we could have parted ways on very bad terms. That relationship is evidence to me that anyone can keep a civil even good friendship, no matter their affiliations.
DeleteI stay out of things on social media. I don't post my opinions or thoughts for this reason. I only voice them to two people.
ReplyDeleteI get that. In fact, I haven't said anything in a political vein in at least three years. But it's difficult to ignore such big happenings in the world.
DeleteAnd here I thought bloggers were a little kinder, a little saner, and blogging a safe spot to express your opin8ion. During the election I fell into a Facebook trap and was repeatedly under siege by a relative. who took on my family and anyone else who agreed with me. Soon an army of trolls followed and I had to unfriend for foul language. This relative has since backed off and 'sort of' apologized.I will not say who I voted for in the end. Crimes committed will eventually come to light. Doing my best to show respect for the office of President and leader in view of all that has happened. Whether history will be kind, only time will tell!
ReplyDeleteI think the blogosphere is a little safer in general. Those of us who post tend to take more time thinking over what we'll say. I love your attitude about things coming out in time, but with the way the media is constantly blasting negative messages, I'm afraid they're trying to write their own history. Which one do you think will prevail?
DeleteDefinitely some alternative history going on there. I guess in some regard it's a goldmine for historians and novelists. But personally, I don't history will be kind.
DeleteThis is why I'll never post anything about politics or religion on social media. I won't read other people's posts either. I think both are personal topics that breed hate way too easily, so I opt out completely.
ReplyDeleteYup. I'm right there with you, but this was a special circumstance. I mean, we could have been heading off to war based on the happening. That's not politics, that's the world climate.
DeleteI think what breaks my heart the most about reading your posts, or really, the responses to it, were how many times you tried to give him chance after chance to make it right, to just go away, and he couldn't even do that. I'm sorry he was so rude to you, but I'm glad your true friends came in to save the day.
ReplyDeleteFYI, I made the big move away from Blogger and can be found at:
Elsie Amata
Here's the thing, I could have blocked him. I knew he wouldn't back down, but I also hoped others would see his poor example and realize how easy it is to fall into that hole. Truth, I put up with him to make a statement about intolerance.
DeleteIt's easy to toss out hateful messages. So far I haven't had this kind of experience, but I'm sure it will come if I dare mention any of my political positions. I'm in social media to exchange ideas, not blast anyone out of the water because of their opinions.
ReplyDeleteRight?! I knew I'd catch some flack for posting what I did, but I made the choice anyway. Just like sharing the results today.
DeleteIt's unfortunate that we aren't secure enough in our positions to be able to listen to all sides and present an intelligent rebuttal. Do they teach debate in school anymore?
DeleteI avoid politics, both online and off. People you like and love get hung up on the person, when all you're trying to do is point out a concept. I don't have time or space for that kind of negativity, so I just refuse to give any venues for it to reach me.
ReplyDeleteI get that. This was a special occasion. It was a world event going down, and I really wanted people to go see the video. *shrugs* Yet I knew if I just posted the video link, no one would click on it.
DeleteI really try not to post anything political at all. I even have stopped posting anything that could be considered controversial because there's always a few people who can't be civil. I have a family member that is rude and sarcastic and while I don't want o delete him from my friends, I also don't want him to berate my friends or make ridiculous comments on my posts. So he's on my restricted list and can only see public posts. If someone is rude on my posts I just delete them.
ReplyDeleteWay to go. This post was actually a little bit of a social experiment, to see if people could behave. Thankfully, there were only two in my entire listing of friends who couldn't be civil. If you consider the sheer numbers, I think that's pretty good.
DeleteI almost reared up reading your "please stop comments," and yes, people believe in their own opinion as fact as very strong people do not let others see their own opinions as personal facts too. Sigh. I guess lie number 1.
ReplyDeleteI meant teared up...my autocorrect is sabotaging me...lol
DeletePeople put a lot of stock into the importance of their own opinion. I always wonder they care so little for others opinions, why the heck they theirs is so important.
ReplyDelete' Juneta @ Writer's Gambit
Blogging is as close to social media as I get. And I have come across the occasional troll there too.
ReplyDeleteHow I wish we would all start to view this world as a community. No us and them, but a shared space for us all. Which we all have an obligation to make better, safer, kinder...
2 really nice book covers here with great sounding stories!
ReplyDeleteIt's SO important to behave like adults on social media (well, in real life too!).
Sorry you had to go through such a disheartening experience. Sometimes, people just wouldn't shut up, especially if they disagree with you on a political topic.
ReplyDeleteOh, man, politics can be so tricky. It definitely brings out the worst in people. I try to be respectful and moderate a bit if a discussion is on my thread--reminding people to be civil and not name call. I do think the discussion is good for us. I have a few friends (whose views are closer to yours to be honest--I'm a flaming bleeding heart) that we actually cheer and celebrate when we agree because it is rare, but we can still be friends because we have some agreed on rules. I ALSO have a few friends I suspect hide my posts because they disagree with me regularly. And I confess t being "that fact checker" when people post something that seems inflamatory--I am not willing to let it stand unless I learn it's true.
ReplyDeleteHmm, I'm going to guess #1, just because. Congrats to Liz!
ReplyDeleteOn the politics side of stuff ... oy, I try not to write anything because I have family members who have slung rocks, mud, and whatnot across the political aisles to the point where Thanksgiving dinners are uncomfortable so that I want to shout out "guess what, famiy-peeps, what's written on the internet is remembered even a few weeks later after the elections when we are all sitting down to eat mashed potatoes." I've been feeling ashamed of the entire facebook generation of folks for an unwillingness to move beyond, to encourage, to love one another, to stand up for kindness.
BTW - I think you did a good job at maintaining a positive and calm stance when you were interacting on that facebook chain. *hugs*
Oh, Crystal, I am so with you on fearing for the future of the nation based on social media behavior. My reaction has been to step away rather than engage when I feel my blood start to simmer, but I wonder if that's the right thing to do - because not saying anything means there's one less voice out there from that perspective. But then, I don't think a whole lot of listening happens on social media. And when I did approach an outspoken friend on the side to try to calm her unfounded fears, she was NOT open to hearing that another point of view existed, so ... pray. Let's pray a LOT.
ReplyDeletePolitics will derail manners faster than anything else these days. I'm sorry your experience was so poor. It really is the wild west our there at the moment.
ReplyDeleteI try best not be a hater on social media. I always avoid commenting on posts about the president.
ReplyDeleteAh, yes. Super heroes are fun. I say #1 is the lie.
ReplyDeleteAnd we have to realize there are people in the world that will find an excuse to argue about anything. To me, they're not a true friend. It's best to ignore them, if possible. I try to avoid politics because, like you say, everyone has his/her own opinion. That's what makes America great. Sorry he was such a pain, to put it politely.
Of course, prove that your opinion matters by jumping on the opinion of others. That's really the way to go. Of course I'm being sarcastic. Sorry you had to deal with such a jerk Crystal. Especially on your own FB page. We can talk about what latte a celebrity drinks but god forbid having thoughts on politics. Who are we? Intelligent human beings? As if! LOL. Anyway take care of yourself and stay true to your feelings and thoughts. Congrats to Liz on her book. Superheroes are the perfect antidote to social media hate.
ReplyDeleteHugs, Crystal! It's unfortunate that many people no longer feel like they can "agree to disagree." The problem with the Internet is that people often feel anonymous and often say things they'd never say in person, which certainly doesn't help the current political atmosphere here. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
ReplyDeleteYou've got to remember, Crystal, that Trump doesn't help himself by posting his random thoughts on twitter constantly. I don't believe that's a wise move for the President of the free world.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I'm not one to hate on social media. I usually keep my political opinions to myself, but they are very strong, believe me. Some topics and some people are just outright divisive, but that is our world, sadly. :-(
I don't think it's okay to attack someone like that, on social media or no. >_< I've disagreed with people before, but I try to phrase disagreements in the form of "that's factually incorrect, here's a link to information about it", so it's about the facts rather than saying "You're wrong". Gah.
ReplyDeleteI think this comic about *why* we have these issues is really interesting, though: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/believe
I'll guess #2 is the lie.
ReplyDeleteI felt very distressed reading the account of what happened over your Facebook post, Crystal. I usually try to keep my political thoughts to myself and rarely express them on Facebook or in my blog because I don't want to deal with the haters. I'm sorry that you experienced this. We all should be able to exchange different points of view without being attacked. Unfortunately what you experienced is not that uncommon. I would say that if Daniel unfriended you, that's no real loss. On a happier note, I hope that you are feeling well as your pregnancy progresses. Take care!
ReplyDeleteThe solution to the world's problems? It's simple. Destroy all social media ;)
ReplyDeleteI think Facebook are hiring 3000 folks to keep a closer eye on the site because lets face it, does anyone really have a clue what is going on in Facebook? They obviously want to keep law and order while social conduct is important, people are human and many other things.
ReplyDeleteI’ve heard sometimes that social media can be stressful due to perverts lurking in the cyberspace. But even face to face, we could misunderstand what others say or couldn’t make oneself understood fully. I’ve kept this attitude; you have your point of view, and I have mine.; you are free to speak but at the same time you have to tolerate the different opinions. Anyway, it seems to be over, so let it go. Have peace of mind for your health and pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteYoko
I agree that this election has really segregated people. I actually know a writer who I'm in a writer's group with preempted her agree to follow me by telling me that she has different political beliefs. I'm like..."Wow," I didn't even know that what I was sharing on twitter had any hints of my political choices. But she said she liked my blog so it's all good.
ReplyDeleteThings easily get heated when it comes to religion or politics. I believe that people should be free to express their opinions on their own Facebook pages without fear of being attacked. If I don't agree with your opinion, it's easy to say nothing, or to reply in a polite manner. Saying something like "He didn't convince me. I don't think he really cares about the victims." isn't so hard, is it?
ReplyDeleteFortunately, I've never experienced anything like you have, but I know of other people who have on social media. It's just crazy. Sorry that this happened to you :-(
ReplyDeleteRespect. There's even a song about it. Society has discarded it and now the 'room' is full of people shouting over each other with no one listening. It makes me sad too.
ReplyDeleteLiz Long, your name even sounds superhero-y. I'm guessing the lie is #2. Best wishes for your new series.
Yep my husband's family is super separated on their thoughts when it comes to religion and politics. So much so, that one side hides others from their feeds.
ReplyDeleteOn the same side I like social media. Here's some examples:
1. My sister's son is very special needs (feeding tube forever, and can't walk on his own). Someone put that they had a bunch of equipment for special needs that their son outgrew. I passed the word along, the two connected, and they actually have a bond now.
2. I've keep in contact with old friends. I wouldn't have, if social media didn't exist.
3. I help past students with a job related things.
4. I get guest speakers through FB messages. I don't have all their emails.
5. I pin articles, and artwork for class that is interesting. I later have access to it on Pinterest.
So more good, than bad.
I may have been one to comment on your thread. Sorry, but not sorry - I'm an artist. Many in this field work freelance. Health insurance is still very much up in the air (esp for Iowa and Nebraska where the only Health provider for The Market Place have said they are withdrawing next year) Ekkk!, The National Endowment for the Arts isn't getting funding any longer - they help fund other art organizations around the US, PBS isn't getting funding, and he just bashed the library where we spend much of our time + it's always full. http://thehill.com/blogs/pundits-blog/economy-budget/331362-trump-drops-the-mother-of-all-bombs-on-libraries I just feel defeated. I feel like the art, music, reading, and writing fields are all about to crash! I know cuts need to be made. In the Great Depression artists were hired by the government to keep the economy stimulated. Guess what? It worked. The security for his wife to live somewhere else is more than the money that was going into the National Endowment. I know what your comment wasn't about all that. I was raised that two wrongs don't make a right. If chemicals are being put on people that's HORRIBLE. Throwing bombs in the air is not right either. The negativity in general needs to stop! I used to be quiet on social media. Like turn the other cheek so to speak. I guess I have a right to speak just as much as the next guy. So my voice matters. With that, I respect your opinion. Your voice matters too. The world would be a pretty boring place if we were all the same!
Oh Crystal, you are no longer a two-dimensional efriend. I now see your depth, understanding, objectivity, bravery, strength, intelligence--all in this stream. If I haven't said it before, you have an admirer over here in California.
ReplyDeleteIn the UK, our Brexit debate has been equally divisive - lots of people having extreme views and no one conceding that the alternative viewpoint may have some merits.
ReplyDeleteI avoid conflict by not discussing politics on social media, but then I wonder if I should have the courage of my convictions and stand up for my beliefs.
Then things happen, as in your example, and I'm glad I don't. I do think it's very worrying that people think they can only be friends with people who agree with them - that's a huge 'them and us' attitude, and I can't see it being helpful in the long run.
thank you
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, the older I get and the more life experiences I gather, the more I loose faith in humanity, whether it is on the road in traffic, in conversations, in the media or on social networks. If it wasn't for the good and inspiring news once in a while, I would be ready for the depression clinic! It is quite difficult to "like people" in general these days, but I do hope this faith can be restored somehow, if and when we all come together and work towards the greater good. :-) Liesbet @ Roaming About – A Life Less Ordinary
ReplyDeleteI made a statement about politics on a public forum once and I'll never do it again. In part becasue of people's reactions and in part just because it's so hard to convey tone and so easy to misinterpret what is being said. I'm a fan of social media but I won't be putting anything political on it again, and I'll be very careful of non-political things, also.
ReplyDeleteYou handled it awesomely, though.
DeleteCrystal, I am so sorry you had to go through all that. You're right, everyone has a right to their opinion. My feed, my opinion. I rarely unfriend anyone, but I had to once when a person wouldn't let it go after the election. Just like in polite company, we shouldn't discuss religion or politics on FB.
ReplyDeleteI'll guess number 1 as the lie. I would so love to meet Bill Maher that I hope that one is true.
ReplyDeleteI certainly don't agree with Trump on stuff like how the immigrants have been treated, but I know the media is out to paint him like the devil. My husband often goes to the media sites of other countries to get a different perspective on what's happening in the world. Sorry you had such an awful experience with that person.
I felt uncomfortable during the A to Z challenge when I blogged about the autism/vaccine conspiracy and got comments defending autistic people. None of the comments were offensive, but I felt bad that the readers had possibly misinterpreted the post's intent.
Wow, I missed seeing that all go down on your Facebook feed. So sorry about that and kudos to you for being brave enough to post something you believed even though you knew it may be unpopular. I agree that it is not the presidency or the world that frightens me most, it's the way our country's people are handling sharing their opinions and disagreements these days, with disrespect and hatred of one another.
ReplyDeleteYour feed, be able to say what you want. I don't post anything political, despite having strong feelings, bc I don't want to deal with it. The few times I've dipped my toe in that, and I mean barely, it's been a disaster.
ReplyDeleteCongrats to Barbara! So excited for her. :)
ReplyDeleteI see people posting mean and nasty things on social media sometimes. I think there are better ways to get our point across then to attack others. Glad your hope was restored.
~Jess
Congratulations to Liz on her book! I think #3 is the lie.
ReplyDeleteI've had stimulating conversations with people who hold views that are different from mine. Sometimes these conversations can be productive, and other times, not so much. Nonetheless, I still prefer face-to-face conversations over shouting matches, which I find more common in social media.
I'm all for differences of opinion, but we should all be able to make our own points in a respectful manner without resorting to obscenities. I think you handled it well.
ReplyDeleteLiz's book sounds fun. I'm going to say #1 as the lie.
Social media has been a nightmare recently!
ReplyDeleteI refrain from political discussion on social media. It's so easy for others to misconstrue the written word, or to somehow twist it to interpret what they want to. But I admire you for your stance, Crystal.
People need to learn how to respect each other's social media spaces.
Take care of yourself and that belly bump!
I don't like social media! I was on Facebook for a year and left it! And, I have never been happier! It's so hard these days! Just remember, to always be true to you! There will always be haters out there! It happens in our country too! What people don't realize, is that we are all humans, and we could do so much if we just spread love! Not to sound like I am a hippie woman, but I think you understand what I mean! Big Hugs!
ReplyDeleteI hate social media, too, and I just refuse to talk about any sort of politics on there because of what happened to you. Especially because people are just SO uninformed about what's really going on. They all believe what they want to believe, and nothing you can say will make them think otherwise, because people don't want to have an honest conversation. They just want to be the loudest voice bragging about how right and how smart they are.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry people are arguing on your social media account with you. I mean – it's good to talk, but to be offensive about it?
ReplyDeleteAnd while it's true that you can unfriend people on social media (and with some people it's necessary), I generally try to avoid it. But I am an anomaly in family with my political beliefs, so that may have something to do with my feelings on this.
As to why people aren't getting along better? That's umm… a blog post in itself. I am anti a lot of what Trump is trying to do. And I feel like he doesn't care. There is no happy medium to be reached. And with some issues, the lack of "happy medium" makes sense. You can't halfway build a wall. You can't exclude immigrants from half of one particular country. But… he would go a long way if he would argue with journalists less and acknowledge that people disagree with him more. Or at least that's my opinion, anyway.
We really live in an America where free speech is a dying right. There is no polite disagreement. It's all angry and deaf. Everyone shouts and doesn't listen to any other opinion. I try to be thoughtful also, but it doesn't matter what you say, someone will disagree. Politics in this country is a very nasty swamp indeed.
ReplyDeleteIt's sad that we have to be on guard when posting our own opinions in our own feed, and from people we call friends no less. Happy to hear that friends had your back because yes, it is easy to lose faith in people with all the horrible talk going on out there.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to go with #1 being the lie.
I refrain from posting much political stuff on facebook anymore. The reason is twofold...1) it only causes people to argue and fight, and 2) I realize that I'm not going to change anybody's minds, so essentially I'm wasting my breath. This is how #HotManTuesday started, which is what I based my A-Z on this year. I hate politics!
ReplyDelete~Katie
TheCyborgMom
Crystal,
ReplyDeleteSadly, a good number of people in our society is easily offended and their only recourse is to get loud and angry spouting hateful, rude threats. I would never de-friend anyone because their views are different from mine. You don't have to agree with every person to get along. Having good manners and respect for others are lost personality traits. Thankfully, as you witnessed there are those out there who come out of the shadows to put these people in their place. It makes you wonder how these sorts of people survive daily life. Oh well...living by example is better than closing a door. Have a good week!
Hi Crystal,
ReplyDeleteEver since the US elections I've seen people stooping so low that it actually amazes...how can normal people do this?
I'll say #1 is the lie. I stay far away from political discussions where possible. My husband and I voted for different folks, yet we don't have an issue. I'm not sure why this has become so much more heated than I remember past elections, and I try to remind myself that people are scared on both sides, for various reasons, and that fear is controlling their actions. I wish they'd stop attacking each other on social media, though.
ReplyDeletebravo! it's a shame so many are taking sides and even becoming violent in defense of their opinions. I agree with you that everyone needs to remember we are the UNITED states of America and hate will only divide us, no matter which side people are on - we should all be on the same side.
ReplyDeletethanks for supporting me and other authors - loved your article about blog tours!
was wondering if you had any other suggestions on promoting a new book - we need a fresh outlet!
Happy Monday!
Tara Tyler Talks
Sorry you had to go through something like that, Crystal. Even though politics definitely bring this out in people more often, I've seen some get just as blunt and in-your-face about other things. It's gotten to the point where I'm scared to simply post about a book/movie/etc I like, in case it leads to someone jumping down my throat...
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you had that experience. There have been so many emotions involved with this presidency, that people just can't seem to control themselves. I think one problem with social media, is that it's not face-to-face interaction. People feel that they can say anything because they're hiding behind the screen. It's really sad! Hope this doesn't happen to you again.
ReplyDeleteHi Crystal,
ReplyDeletePlease pitstop by when you're in the vicinity.
Thanks.