What is it you fear is hiding under your bed?
And no, I don't mean something like this:
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I'm talking about your proverbial bed. We all have fears that seem far too large to overcome, the monsters that haunt our souls. Today I'm facing one of those monsters, and it look like this:
If you met me face to face, you might never guess I struggle with social interactions. That's because I'm a FABULOUS actress. It didn't used to be this bad. In high school I worked hard on developing relationships and hanging out, but the truth is, I was more comfortable like this:
I went to a birthday party with my daughter yesterday and after 10 minutes I was like, "GET ME OUT OF HERE." No desire to stick around--even to chat with some awesome neighbors. It's a lack of practice, I know, but after a long season of illness that left me too exhausted to get out, and finally a new baby, I just don't have the willpower or energy to invest. And that's a bad thing. Life is about human interaction. It's about relationships. It's about LIVING.
So how do I reconcile that?
Well, I joined a book club. I'm in social media groups with other people. I'm planning some coops for my home schooling kids.
See, the only thing constant in life is change. We're either expanding outward, exploring and growing, or we're shrinking in on ourselves. I'm pretty tired of shrinking. How about you? What are you doing to expand your horizons?
If you met me face to face, you might never guess I struggle with social interactions. That's because I'm a FABULOUS actress. It didn't used to be this bad. In high school I worked hard on developing relationships and hanging out, but the truth is, I was more comfortable like this:
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| source |
than this:
I went to a birthday party with my daughter yesterday and after 10 minutes I was like, "GET ME OUT OF HERE." No desire to stick around--even to chat with some awesome neighbors. It's a lack of practice, I know, but after a long season of illness that left me too exhausted to get out, and finally a new baby, I just don't have the willpower or energy to invest. And that's a bad thing. Life is about human interaction. It's about relationships. It's about LIVING.
Well, I joined a book club. I'm in social media groups with other people. I'm planning some coops for my home schooling kids.
See, the only thing constant in life is change. We're either expanding outward, exploring and growing, or we're shrinking in on ourselves. I'm pretty tired of shrinking. How about you? What are you doing to expand your horizons?
This month I'm highlighting fellow authors from:
(Unless you already have, in which case, you rock!)
Last week we met the very kind Sandra Cox and had an opportunity win her urban fantasy novel, LOVE, LATTES and MUTANTS. Everyone who guessed her Truth or Lie game correctly were entered into a random drawing for the chance to win an eBook.
The Game:
1. I was the third generation in my family to be married on Christmas Eve.
2. My husband was born in IL, I was born in KY, my daughter was born in OH and my son in WI.
3. English is my second language.
The lie: #3. English actually is her first language.
Way to guess everyone! That was tough. And the winner is:
...DRUM ROLL...
Congrats, Susan!
And now for something a little different today.
I'm excited to be contributing to
(Releasing June 30th!)
I had the privilege of reviewing an Advance Reviewer Copy, and this is what I have to say:
(Read the rest of the review HERE and add it to you TBR list)
And now the clincher. If you mention the word "CHEESE" in your comment, I'll put you in my magic hat for the chance to win THE THING THAT TURNED ME in eBook. (Awarded on release day.)
You have until Tuesday, June 14 at 2 p.m. EDT to guess. Be sure to come back to see the winner and for a chance to win another AWESOME book on June 15, 8 a.m EDT.
Are you socially awkward? What monsters are hiding under your proverbial bed? Did you add the anthology to your list?
I have to push myself to be social. I enjoy it afterwards, but it's never easy. Being involved in my band and my church help. Otherwise, I might never leave the house. Just keep reaching out, Crystal.
ReplyDeleteExcited for the release of the anthology!
I think joining a book club, etc. is a great idea. I tend to be shy, too. I'm friendly, I like people, but shy under certain circumstances. One on one, or in a small group, meeting friends of friends, I'm comfortable. Put me in a party or a large group where I don't know people and suddenly I can't think of a single word to say to break the ice.
ReplyDeleteI'm not very good with social stuff either, especially making small talk with strangers at parties etc. I'd much rather stay home alone with a good book, a glass of wine and a plate of cheese and crackers :-)
ReplyDeleteCheers - Ellen | http://thecynicalsailor.blogspot.com/
I joined a book club, too! Social interaction is not my thing, but lately I've made myself go and do a few things, focusing on topics - like reading and art and exercise - where I'll hopefully have things in common with people. I'm never going to be a social butterfly, and I'm okay with that. I would just like it to be a little easier. :)
ReplyDeleteI have a fear of cheese. Just kidding!
ReplyDeleteA sudden wave of fear passes over me whenever I drive over a bridge with a body of water beneath. I get this sudden sensation of falling and then I can't help but reach for the window button, ready to press down to in case the bridge collapses and I need to have an escape route.
It's crazy scary, but nothing like it used to be before I started driving.
You aren't alone. I'm very comfortable staying at home drinking a glass of wine and nibbling on cheese. That said, despite leaning towards being a recluse, I try to get out and interact. A book club sounds like a good plan!
ReplyDeleteI use the weekly trip to the grocery store to interact with people. I talk to the woman behind the cash register. I ask her how she's doing and provide genuine encouragement if she needs it. I'm not good at being social. I'm an introvert. If I get to hang out with three of four people I'm okay. Put me in a crowded party situation and I will slink out of there and head home. But you are definitely on your way getting back into socializing. A book club is a great idea.
ReplyDeleteI'm socially awkward too. I think most writers feel more comfortable alone than interacting with others... We're a strange breed…
ReplyDeleteI think most writers much prefer to keep company with themselves and their characters. But it is good to get out. It keeps us grounded and also feeds our creativity. I can be socialable for about 2 hours before I begin to crumble :)Have a lovely week.
ReplyDeleteI'm not very social either. Basically I can never think of anything worthwhile to say when I'm around people I don't know all that well. Try joining a writer's group. It's usually pretty easy to relax and be yourself around people with similar interests. When everyone has the same fears as you, it's easy to get along.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your honest post Crystal. I have to mentally prepare myself too for social engagements. I feel like such an odd duck like many of my interests and thoughts aren't the best topics for casual conversation. If I prepare, I am ok though. Then I have to make myself listen and engage which is more of a struggle. It's hard to turn off all my thoughts and pay attention. What a great post!
ReplyDeleteSince my husband died and my daughter graduated from high school, I've had to make new friends, which is a challenge for me like you, and once I was ready start online dating. Both were terrifying, especially the dating, but I'm climbing those mountains now successfully. I don't want to shrink either and am committed to moving forward with life.
ReplyDeleteAfter moving to a new area, I knew I had to do something to get Hubs & me out of the house and meet new people. so we joined the Newcomers' Group--even though I'd rather stay home and write or read. Every time we have an event to go to, I groan "Why did I sign up for this?" When I/we get there, I always have fun. Still, it's hard to work up the nerve to be in social groups.
ReplyDeleteOne can be extroverted and still struggle with human interaction, especially when out of practice. I can stand in front of a room full of people for one of my seminars and give it my all with no problem, but in smaller settings, I tend not to reach out as much.
ReplyDeleteYou're so right in that life is about change and learning to adapt to the changes can be a real challenge. I share your fear of social situations - I go out regularly but sometimes I really have to make myself because I know its good for me! I hope your book club is a good way to start for you.
ReplyDeleteI'm so socially awkward - I was just reflecting on this very subject actually when I went for a walk (by myself) this afternoon. I'm definitely someone who's more comfortable in their own company, but I agree with you, life is about change and we should embrace that. I know one of my goals since moving back home is to try to be more sociable, but we'll see how that goes ;)
ReplyDeletewe def all have those monsters! <3 I don't have issues being social but the more i write, the less I interact in the outside world so I def get rusty on interactions! lol!
ReplyDeleteI can be social and I can veg too. It just depends on how I feel.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day. ☺
I'm definitely socially awkward. like you, I'm much more comfortable on stage, though good luck getting me to do that anymore. I do force a few social things on myself, enough to keep me sane. As sane as I'm going to be anyway. :)
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't mind that monster hiding up my bed. Maybe. ^_^
My social meter is weird. I am an introvert but I can be outgoing depending on the scenario. Glad to see you pushing back Crystal.
ReplyDeleteI'm naturally extroverted, but since I started writing and since transitioning to work from home 95% of the time, I find it's harder for me to get out and socialize at times. Sometimes I'm hungry for it, and other times I don't want to leave the house.
ReplyDeleteGoal, Set, Check! Setting SMART goals
Congrats to all the authors in the anthology!
ReplyDeleteI have social anxiety. It's worse in person, but I find it sometimes stops me from posting or interacting on social media. But if I find someone that I feel comfortable with, then I'm much more talkative--although maybe not less awkward. LOL!
I use humor to not be socially awkward. It's my defense mechanism. I've also learned just to use it in small doses, otherwise people expect me to be the life of the party (and how awful is that?). Which is why you'll usually find me in the corner petting whatever animal is there. Animals just love me. Maybe it's because I smell like cheese.
ReplyDeleteHeh, I know that if it weren't for critique group, I'd never see anyone except my best friend (since we've had a standing weekly get-together for 15 years now). Critique group actually makes me feel social!
ReplyDeleteAs somebody said I don't hate people, I just hate idiots :) In those social situations you just need to clear your head and focus on the very moment, on the details, be present in the moment and then it usually goes well.
ReplyDeleteI'd make an excellent hermit. But yeah, sometimes we just have to cheese it (eh? eh?) and get out there and socialize. One thing I love about writing is that I can control what all the people say. Rarely do they let me do that in actual public, hehe.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the new baby! Good luck with your new social adventures.
I'm extremely socially awkward--and socially anxious. I'm far more comfortable on the Internet as far as interaction goes, but I've gotten better because I work retail and I have to interact with all kinds of people at work.
ReplyDeleteI'm really bad in social situations too. I'm a complete introvert. I'm better in writing (blogging, social media), although I tend to shy away from that too. Yep, I'm hopeless!
ReplyDeleteI'm really socially awkward too. I had being in social situations. I feel like I never have anything to say, and when I do, it all comes out wrong. :( My husband says "practice" but practicing gets old and tiring. I'd rather go hide out in the bathroom or my car or anywhere but where I'm suppose to be when I'm at a party. :(
ReplyDeleteYay for joining a book club and forcing yourself to be social. I attend parties and the like, go on adventures with friends, but I don't really do anything that forces me to meet and spend time with more people. I guess I should? Problem is: I'm usually busy keeping up with everyday life. Finding time to meet new people along with accomplishing my goals is really stressful. Is that an excuse?
Oh well. From the comments, it seems there are many writers out there (especially in IWSG) who struggle with this too. Wonder if there has ever been a study? "Writers = introverts". If not, there definitely should be. :)
So Funny you would share (and ask0 these things. Last week i heard a story on NPR about the challenges we face, trying to make friends as adults . . .at least i felt better knowing I am in good company . . Thank you for sharing, looks like we have similar people skills . . . (phew) - I thought about taking a line dancing class through continuing education courses nearby - at least I'd be doing something socially . . but, perhaps I've allowed the time to register pass me by . . I can paint and study at home instead . . (giggle) . . I seem so 'together" in public . . little do they realize, i'm a great performing artist . . . like you. love & love, -g-
ReplyDeleteI'm definitely introverted, so I can relate.
ReplyDeleteSocially awkward would be an improvement. My teenage daughter (Miss Social Butterfly) complains I need a life, but I'm totally happy just spending time with my family. And honestly, it takes up most of my time, so why push for more? I can put up the act and am told I have a very friendly way about me...but I'd rather stay at home.
ReplyDeleteI think that's a pretty normal thing for us writer folks--after all, we'd rather listen to voices inside of our heads. And THAT is weird. :)
Honestly, I think lots of writers or creators struggle with face to face, social interaction. That's why we express in a way we can because it's easier. I'm only loud when the margarita's go past three glasses...
ReplyDeleteI love cheese, Crystal, so I think it's cheesy that you and I would rather be alone or one-on-one than in a crowd! I am forcing myself to get out more. I'm also learning, when invited--go!
ReplyDeleteI've had a lot of social interaction as of late, rather funny but I have to keep it to myself. Hmph to that lol
ReplyDeleteCongrats on another anthology. And by the way, I'm having cheese and crackers for supper:)
ReplyDeleteI hear you on being an introvert. I like hooking up with 2 or 3 people but more than that....not so much. I think most authors are pretty introverted, don't you?
PS I didn't realize you'd been sick:(
ReplyDeleteI'm the type to immediately talk to people because I fear being the loner. I guess I'm social out of fear. Lol
ReplyDeleteI've always been an extrovert, and thrive in social situations. But the older I get, the happier I am just to stay at home and hang out with my hubby. As for expanding, the only thing expanding on me these days is my waistline. (Must be all that cheese I eat!)
ReplyDeleteThankfully I love being social, or I never could have survived four weeks of group tours in Italy! That said, to have a few days to myself at the end was so relaxing.
ReplyDeleteTraveling is always how I stretch my horizons. Each trip improves my confidence, my skills, and my adaptability. And needless to say, it heightens my awareness of all the delicious varieties of cheese there are in the world.
I'm kind of more comfy wrapped up on the rafter, too. I can pretend to enjoy banter with people, but it's not fun for me.
ReplyDeleteI'm with J.H. I travel. That shakes me out of any complacency I might have developed on that rafter.
Hey, I won! That is better even than CHEESE! I'm not socially awkward but I don't seek out company. After teaching for 34 years and raising 6 kids, I like being alone. LOL
ReplyDeleteI totally relate to your social stuff. I'm much better one-on-one than in large groups. And please don't make me go to parties or other gatherings where there's no agenda and we're just supposed to chat!
ReplyDeleteI think you have a good plan to join some things with your interests. I'm always more social around people who share my interests. You wouldn't know I'm shy at a writer's conference. :) I'm glad to hear that you're not letting your fears hedge you in--that takes courage to step out of your comfort zone.
You've surprised me, Crystal. I would've thought you were very outgoing and a riot at parties, along with munster cheese!
ReplyDeleteI'm not a socialite but I do like to get together with family and friends. My nights usually consist of watching a good movie with my husband. We're not quite empty nesters yet, we have one daughter still living at home and 4 married.
I'm very shy and cannot function well at conferences etc.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure I'm getting less social as I get older. Pretty soon I'll be a hermit in the woods. LOL
ReplyDeleteI'll be a hermit two forests over from ya!
DeleteYes, I'm very socially awkward.
ReplyDeleteYes, I'm socially awkward, would rather stay home with my cats than go out with a crowd or even just a few friends. Haven't added the anthology, but will in a minute. I like Swiss cheese with tomato on top sandwiches. Yummy.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty good at small talk as long as its a short visit. I'd never manage a birthday party unless I could slip away for a bit. :-)
ReplyDeleteAnna from elements of emaginette
Yeah, I recently described myself in very similar terms - people at work likely surprised to find just how introverted I am. Parties, small talk ... yuch, but I have no problem standing up in front of a roomfull of people and giving a talk. Go figure. The big thing is, there should be room in social expectations for moments of quiet instead of thinking every second must be filled with chatter.
ReplyDeleteI'm among the socially awkward too.
ReplyDeleteI'm immensely socially awkward. I hide away in corners or against the wall if I have to be out somewhere. Yet I do make myself do things to help expand my horizons like talk in front of the university class last month. I was terrified, but I did it without losing my voice! :) A book club is a fantastic place to go. Can't wait to hear about it!
ReplyDeleteCrystal I was one of the shyest people every until I was in my late 20's... it took me putting in the hard work to put myself out there (not easy) but now it is second nature and I am one of the most social people I know. Once I start working from home I will have to put effort in to go out after work to meet and hang with some people... good luck with the book club xox
ReplyDeleteCrystal - I know what you mean - exactly. There are days when going to worship is tough because I would really like to duck into the back of the church and then race right back out after the service. And, then on my growing/stretching days I can jump up front with the praise team (and friends on praise team), sing really loud, hug people, and go home so late that I'm helping lock the doors at the end of the day. But, it takes stretching and practice to get to the social days. I used to have panic attacks just trying to say hi to people in the hallways of high school, but I made myself do it anyway. It's the only way I know how to beat social anxiety - to say one word for a while, and then try two or three, and then . . . keep praying through it.
ReplyDeleteI hope you get to stretch soon and I hope it is awesome!
What a cute monster pic! I know what you mean. Sometimes at parties I am not into socializing. Definitely do what works for you!
ReplyDeleteI don't care for crowds or parties with more than 5 or 6 people. I like people. I like talking to people but sometimes they drain my energy, so I tend to avoid social gatherings and large crowds.
ReplyDeleteI need time alone to chill and regenerate. I'm not really shy, but I can be shy. In the Briggs-Meyer personality test I am INFP/INFT depending the day I take the test.
Happy IWSG Day
Juneta @ Writer's Gambit
Hi Crystal - well you do socialise with your kids' friends and families ... and as you say you've loads going on ... with the new baby. Lots of interests too ... but good for you for joining the book group - enjoy - and your energy levels with slowly recover ... take your time. All the best - cheers Hilary
ReplyDeleteCongrats to Susan! I don't think everyone has to be social. Some people are more comfortable and relaxed by themselves. I prefer very few close friends that I share a lot with. I never get lonely ... though I've been known to start talking to myself when hubby goes away for extended periods ...
ReplyDeleteI'm not socially awkward, but there are times I'd rather stay home and write or sleep or watch tv and be alone. With five people in my family I get enough social interactions every single day:-) Don't feel bad. Take your time and recoop. New (and older) babies are a lot of work!!
ReplyDeleteOddly, I'm that person who's much more comfortable at home with a book in my hand or writing on my laptop than mingling with peeps. However, you get me in a group with other writers and we're all talking about our stories and struggles, and I can't help but be interactive. You won't even have to say CHEESE to make me smile :-)
ReplyDeleteMy husband is always having to explain why I didn't come out with him. He's all social, I'm all not. I have to meet him somewhere toward the middle or people will start to think he killed me and buried me under the shed.
ReplyDeleteGreat post!
Hey, what a great anthology that will be! ;)
Heather
Ah, I can so relate to this! I feel like I used to be a lot more social than I am now. I've turned into quite the homebody lately, and I don't know if it's because I'd rather be writing than socializing or what. But I agree with you. Life is about living and experiencing things so sometimes we have to get out of our comfort zone and just do it! :)
ReplyDeleteWe need to protect our time and our energy. You are wise to take it slow, join groups that nurture you, and spend time with family. You read how I'm expanding out of my comfort zone. It's thrilling, and a little scary.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on your new baby and your new anthology! I'm sorry that you were suffering from an illness, and hope that you're feeling better. Joining the book club was a good idea. You have to do what works best for you, and if you meet a few people that you happen to click with along the way, it will be a bonus.
ReplyDeleteJulie
I can totally relate to not wanting to interact with people sometimes and think your book club solution is great. Sharing a common interest with people is a good way to start socializing a bit more. :) Good luck and hope you read some interesting books.
ReplyDelete~Jess
Hope you are feeling better now.
ReplyDeleteOh I feel you here, Crystal!! I am not big on social events and large social interactions either! I would much rather stay home and have ice cream with a few cats around :)
ReplyDeleteI'm an introvert who has learned how to fake being an extrovert when it matters.
ReplyDeleteThe truth is, I prefer my own company. I'm never bored when I'm on my own, but I can become bored in a social setting...I won't divulge any gory details. LOL
Writer In Transit
Totally with you, I'm shy to the extent that even engaging on social media can feel like a big stretch to me! Large gatherings tend to cheese me off. But I agree that we need to push ourselves sometimes because we don't know what we'll get out of it. Like the look of the anthology.
ReplyDeleteAs an Aspie, I'll never be a very social person, and I find it so boring when I'm at event where we're expected to just stand around small-talking instead of doing something constructive. I'm content to only be social with people I know and trust very well, instead of (as my ex-roommate was trying to force me to do, against my comfort zone) do things like sit at strangers' tables and strike up conversations with people I don't know.
ReplyDeleteI discovered about 20 comments from the A to Z Challenge 2013 that were in my spam folder in Disqus. Yikes. This prompted me to review all of my comments and see if I had reciprocated the ones from the 3 A-Z Challenges. Oh my. So, I’m visiting today to say thank you. Courtney – Maui Jungalow blog. Congrats on pushing yourself beyond your limits. Sometimes writing a blog post feels like facing a fear. Also, just followed you on GFC.
ReplyDeleteI'm looking forward to the release. Congrats to Susan.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't always big on socializing. Fortunately, in the past few years I've met amazing groups of people that have pulled me into it.
I absolutely love the idea of an anthology about turning points. I can totally relate to the social awkwardness. Good luck with your bookclub! I'm gearing up to tackle one of my own monsters - my health.
ReplyDeleteI'm so socially awkward. I try really hard but when I get nervous I over compensate and end up babbling and rambling. Then people think I'm an idiot and avoid me, which makes me more nervous and I try harder and... It's a vicious cycle.
ReplyDeleteCheese!
Congratulations, Susan, on winning.
ReplyDeleteCrystal, life can be tough. But in order to be a part of life, we need to interact with others. Glad you're feeling better. And many congratulations on the new baby. All the best, my dear.
After years of thinking I was an extrovert and feeling guilty for needed to be alone or pull away, I finally discovered that I am actually an introvert who can get by as an extrovert when needed. (Much like your acting, I think?) Now that I've made it known to the people around me, they no longer deem me the person to break down barriers or to talk to strangers. I think baby steps is the key. Joining a book club is awesome! I think it's one thing to be around a HUGE group (aka a birthday party) but being around 10 people or so in a club where there's a common interest is truly a step in the right direction. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI have always struggled with social situations but have gotten better since I started writing and blogging. I'm not sure why but it's really helped to bring me out of my shell both online and off. I also joined a writing group that meets monthly and that has helped me as well. I'm amazed that now I actually look forward to the meetings and the interactions.
ReplyDeleteI am really looking forward to the Turned Me anthology. So many great writers in that one! Cheese for all of them! :D
Hey Old Cheese! It's awkward to be in a social situation when you'd rather be somewhere else. But no doubt that will improve with time. I'm looking forward to the Turned Me anthology. Sounds awesome! :-)
ReplyDeleteI too struggle with the social thing. I'm so comfortable alone, or in a crowd, the wallflower observing and watching, but I can turn it on when I have too. Fabulous actor too! Usually though, I'll go into seclusion for days afterwards. It's odd, it's uncomfortable, and it's a struggle, but hey, we all have those right!
ReplyDeleteCheese is the perfect food! Protein in a cube, slice, or hunk! :)
The love the premise of this anthology!
I hear you on struggling with social interactions. It seems to be something I'm having more trouble with as I get older, no idea why. >_< It's easier when among friends and people I know I have things in common with, though, so there's some hope for me. Somewhere.
ReplyDeleteI'm another one of those wallflowers who prefers to be out of the public view. The words "go out and mingle" instill panic. I'd much prefer to sit at my desk and write. I do what I have to when I have to, though.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to reading The Thing That Turned Me and to having some cheese for lunch. :)
We all have introvert aspects of our personalities, and I think it's best to remember that others do to, and that can oddly be a nice ice breaker when at parties:)
ReplyDeleteJust read Linda Grimes' wonderful new book All Fixed Up, which featured a character hiding a cheese sandwich (long story), and then it started to smell... Very funny.
ReplyDeleteI'd rather be at a book club or small party any day! I keep trying to do public speaking because I figure I should conquer my fears, but every time I think "why do I do this to myself" and I vow "never again". Being up on stage is *awful*.
I hear you on social interactions. I'm an introvert too (and it doesn't help that I have prosopagnosia (face blindness), so sometimes I'm not sure who I'm talking too. But we can either use it as an excuse, or, like you've done, view it as a challenge. And a handy-dandy list of memorized questions you can use to talk to strangers helps. :)
ReplyDeleteOddly enough my hubby has pushed me to be social. When we got married I could hardly call the utilities company without getting sick or hyperventilating. Since then he has gone out of his way to help me be more comfortable with being social. It's kinda worked, too.
ReplyDelete