Is that a question you've ever considered?
The future doctors, teachers, and politicians of this world are in school, developing and growing. I often wonder what it is they're learning and who it is that's filling their minds. Is it the system? The parents? Peers? Social media?
As a mother, I'm pretty sure I think about my little ones more than myself. I agonize over their struggles. I plan for their futures. I hope and pray what we're doing for them with our limited capacity will prepare them for the life ahead and that they will become strong, kind, successful individuals. Because they know someone loves and is 100% invested in them, they will hopefully have the confidence to reach their full potential. They have someone always available to hear what's on their mind or to ask questions. I am their first source of information.
BUT.
But, but, but...
We live in a world where everyone thinks both parents need to hold down a 40 hr or more work week. Why? For stuff. Stuff like daycare, sports, an extra car, evening programs and activities, music lessons, etc. Add in the HOURS OF HOMEWORK, parties, events... Who is raising these children? How much time do they actually spend with their parents? How can they have a decent conversation with the people who gave them life if they never have a quiet hour together? Who is shaping their character?
Let us ask instead, "Can I do without this?" "Is this just cluttering our lives?" Sometimes less is more. In the case of children and valuable time, less is definitely more.
Let's be wise. Let's raise the future.
This month I'm highlighting fellow authors from:
Last week we met the thrilling Hart Johnson and had an opportunity win her medical thriller, A SHOT IN THE LIGHT. Everyone who guessed her Truth or Lie game correctly were entered into a random drawing for the chance to win their choice of an eBook or print copy.
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As a mother, I'm pretty sure I think about my little ones more than myself. I agonize over their struggles. I plan for their futures. I hope and pray what we're doing for them with our limited capacity will prepare them for the life ahead and that they will become strong, kind, successful individuals. Because they know someone loves and is 100% invested in them, they will hopefully have the confidence to reach their full potential. They have someone always available to hear what's on their mind or to ask questions. I am their first source of information.
BUT.
But, but, but...
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| SOURCE |
Let us ask instead, "Can I do without this?" "Is this just cluttering our lives?" Sometimes less is more. In the case of children and valuable time, less is definitely more.
Let's be wise. Let's raise the future.
This month I'm highlighting fellow authors from:
(Because waiting until later would just be silly.)
Last week we met the thrilling Hart Johnson and had an opportunity win her medical thriller, A SHOT IN THE LIGHT. Everyone who guessed her Truth or Lie game correctly were entered into a random drawing for the chance to win their choice of an eBook or print copy.
The Game:
1. I began writing with Fan Fiction. In fact I wrote a Harry Potter alternative book seven prior to the release of Deathly Hallows that had such uncanny commonalities as Nagini turning into a woman, breaking into Gringotts to steal the Hufflepuff cup from a vault, and Snape's tears having magic powers that were central to the climax. I will never beat the last line of that story: “So spank me.” (Narcissa to Lucius as they finally made peace, having been estranged during the war).
2. When I was a senior in high school my best friend got a wild hair... or decided my mom was the only mom of one of her friends who could be talked into signing the permission form—one of those things—and we signed up for a skydiving lesson. We spent a full afternoon jumping off progressively higher things and rolling out of the fall so we didn't break an ankle or a leg, then we went up in a perfectly good airplane and jumped out.
3. In 2008 I had a conference in London. Through my early online interactions and writing experiences I was part of a writing group, a couple of my fellow members decided to travel at the same time so we could all meet our friend Tara who lives in Wales and we could travel a bit together after the conference, taking advantage of some of the things we had in common (mostly writing, Harry Potter, and Monty Python). The highlight of our trip was making our way to Doune Castle in Scotland and doing a few rounds of the French taunting...
The lie: #3. The conference was really in Glasgow and the Castle they did the French taunting from was Cardiff Castle in Wales.
Way to guess everyone! And the winner is:
...DRUM ROLL...
And now meet the author of WIN in the Parallels anthology and check out the short story she has up for grabs in the Truth or Lie game today:
Ready to meet the author?
You will find her madly munching on any cheese that comes with Mexican food.
To learn more, visit: www.sylviacney.com
Sylvia gave me two truths and one lie to test your "lie detector" skills. Those who figure out the lie will go into my magic hat for the chance to win Sylvia's short story in eBook.
You have until Tuesday, May 17, at 2 p.m. EDT to guess. Be sure to come back for the answers on May 18, 8 a.m EDT.
TRUTH OR LIE
1. Sylvia almost died as an infant, but became one of the first survivors of a rare birth defect.
2. Sylvia has ghost written for Nora Roberts.
3. Sylvia has held and played with a baby lion.
2. Sylvia has ghost written for Nora Roberts.
3. Sylvia has held and played with a baby lion.
So sleuths, which is the lie? Who do you think has the most influence on kids these days? Did you have devoted parents who spent time with you? Do you have a favorite heartwarming story? Have you met Sylvia?
Really cool you are featuring the authors of the IWSG anthology this month.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to say number two is the lie although Sylvia is really good and it's likely she's done that.
Kids spend more time with other people than with their parents these days and that's sad. Maybe that's why morals and behavior are going downhill so fast?
Time is the most valuable thing you can give a child. We never had kids, but we agreed from the beginning that if I did get pregnant, I'd stay home with our child and we'd just make it work.
ReplyDelete#1 is the lie. And I'd love to hold baby lions. I've held a cheetah and a baby cougar before. The cheetah fell asleep with his head on my lap.
What a great idea to feature the anthology authors. I am going to guess #3 is the lie for Sylvia.
ReplyDeleteI have always felt like I won the lottery when it comes to parents. I had such a great childhood and I didn't realize until I was an adult how fortunate I was to have a home where I felt loved and safe.
I think being a parent is such an important job, especially with the challenges and stresses they face. By high school, they are expected to work more than 40 hours with all their homework and extra activities. I do think both parents can work and be good parents that spend time with their kids. I did, and my daughter has grown into a fantastic person. I do think the focus on career does not have to take over your life though, and we don't need a new more high powered job just to make more money to buy things. But for many families, both parents have to work to support a family and to provide for future expenses like college and retirement.
ReplyDeleteWhen my daughter was young, I was a full time teacher and so we spent our days apart (both of us at school). But we shared precious moments in the car, driving to and from school. We talked about our day and laughed a lot. That continued into the evening and we always ate together, did our own homework and at weekends did lots of fun stuff. This happened less as she became a teenager. Our evenings together got fewer and fewer as she liked her own space and did her own thing. And then she was all grown up and now lives her own life. Letting her go was the hardest thing ever as a mom. Great post!
ReplyDeleteYes that seems the way of young families now. Need to all have the latest stuff. I'm not sure that's the best way to raise kids, but it seems the way of things.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day. ☺
When my daughter was born, I gave up my career as a teacher because I wanted to be home with her. She's my number priority. Writing and editing allows me to work but also have flexible hours so I can be part of the PTO and volunteer to chaperone field trips and most importantly be there when my daughter needs me. That's worth more to me than a 9-5 job any day.
ReplyDeleteSuch good points!
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful post! AS a former teacher, I used to wonder about the same questions: I had students who had everything: Their own telephone in their room, their own TV, (and now I know it is all about their own smart phone, etc.). But I always felt less would be more. I learned these things about their lives when their parents showed up at conference time to fine out why their kids weren't progressing well in school. And the kids in class that were getting quality time with their families? It showed on them, the way vitamins and a healthy diet make a difference in the gloss on teeth and skin. You could tell the kids that were languishing for more attention, no matter how many things they had (that their "friends" had, too.) I think you are asking all the right questions, Crystal.
ReplyDeleteI don't have kids but the hubby and I are big on experiences over things. We want a good life not the latest car or gadget. We're lucky that we can afford some extras but love and good times are definitely more important.
ReplyDeleteMy sister has stopped planning birthday parties in favor of taking the kids somewhere on their day so they can have memories of going to fun places. Who remembers the birthday parties they had? We certainly don't remember the presents we got. So my sister and her husband are spending the day with them, wherever they want to go, and building memories instead. :)
ReplyDeleteWonderful post, Crystal!! Even though I don't work outside the home, this is something that's weighed heavily on my mind lately with all the writing and editing I've been doing. Being away from my kids for a few days was a great reminder that no matter what I may be doing writing or editing wise, there's nothing more important than being there for them.
ReplyDeleteParents often seem more focused on themselves than their children. I fear the children will grow up emotionally needy, making for dysfunctional adults. -(
ReplyDeleteAfter a half-year of staying home with Daddy, my daughter was begging to return to daycare so that she could play with her friends on a regular basis again.
ReplyDeleteSuch good questions. We parents do need to make time to notice our kids, ask them how their day went, and respond when they're unhappy. We always founds ways to do that although both my husband and I worked fulltime. One way: Work was always second. I guess it worked because both my kids are wonderful.
ReplyDeleteBoth our daughters were in preschool care and after-school care as we both worked full-time. I felt like we were missing out on many things in their development. I did take them to numerous courses for kids: ballet, swimming, gymnastics, performance theatre - it all takes money. My guess for the lie from Sylvia - #3. I do follow Sylvia already.
ReplyDeleteSometimes less is definitely more. Time is the most valuable thing we can offer our children.
ReplyDeletedon't have a family so I wouldn't know, but once I had it, it sucked to the hell and back :)
ReplyDeleteCongrats to Steven! My family and I never got along, and I have no kids, so I can't really comment on how to raise them. But I do feel a bit sorry for those who devote themselves exclusively to their family and have no interests outside of it. I think kids like a mom who can talk about things other than food and laundry. And what do they do once the kids are gone? Just watch TV? A person should be all they can be and that includes parents, too. :)
ReplyDeleteThis is why I have worked part time the past few years. It's a lot of juggling because I try to work when my husband will be home and vice versa. And we really have a tight budget. But it's been the right choice for us.
ReplyDeleteLet's raise the future - I love that! And I totally agree! Cheering you on for the journey. I know you are raising amazing kids. How could you not? You're amazing yourself. :) Thanks for featuring the authors today!
ReplyDeleteCongra#s, Stephen.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to say #2, but wouldn't that be a lovely opportunity?
I agree with what you're saying about the kiddos, but when mine were little, it wasn't about working for the extras it was working to pay the basic bills. There was no option in my case and I think that's true for a lot of people. I would have loved to have stayed home.
Oops, make that Congrats, Stephen:)
ReplyDeleteI also think it's a misconception that you can't work outside the house AND raise your children, because you can. My parents weren't perfect, of course, but they did a pretty good job. They're small business owners and that in itself requires a lot of time. Staying at home with the kids is no guarantee they're going to grow up reasonable. But people do need to spend time with their children.
ReplyDeleteYou're such a wise parent. Every day I thank the Lord that somehow my husband and I seem to have done a good job. My children are good people, independent thinkers, hard workers and just good citizens of the world.
ReplyDeleteMy mom stayed home with us for as long as she could, but our family's finances changed and she had to work. However, I am thankful for the years she was home with us. And I'm thankful that I was able to be home and teach my kids when they were young (they're in college and graduate school now), but it has made transitioning back into the work place very difficult.
ReplyDeleteLess is more. I love decluttering.
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing number 3 is the lie.
Interesting perspective on time and clutter.
ReplyDeleteLie -- #3.
Harry Potter, castles, and Monty Python. What more can anyone ask for?
ReplyDeleteIt's not so much that we work. It's what we do when we are together as a family that matters. :-)
ReplyDeleteAnna from elements of emaginette
After giving birth to my son almost 2 years ago I stopped working. We couldn't afford a babysitter so I stayed home with our son while hubby goes to work. I would love to be able to get back to work again but I am expecting again so it will have to awhile till I am able to get back in to working again.
ReplyDeleteI think #3 is a lie
Have a wonderful week. :)
Crystal - Thanks for hosting me today. It's always interesting to see which choice people will pick. I absolutely love and agree with your views about kids. I quit my teaching job when my first was born so that I could stay home with them. I'm one of those parents who absolutely loves having them to myself for the summer, and I get a little depressed when school starts again. I wish I could keep them with me always!
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree with you more about raising children. I was a stay-at-home mom, too, and now my daughters-in-law are following suit.
ReplyDeleteI'm almost finished reading "Parallels." I reeeeeally liked your story.
My lie detector really stinks, but I'll pick #2. But it would really be cool if Sylvia HAS done some ghost writing for Roberts. That's a genuine claim to fame. :)
You've listed many reasons why I rarely send home homework for kids. So often their lives are so incredibly full and busy that they rarely have time to just 'be'. They need more time to play outside with other kids independent of parents and adults. They need more time to relax with their families, having fun and enjoying each others' company. They need time to find what fills their souls and brings them joy. Being a kid is a big job - but it should be an awesome one!
ReplyDeleteMy sons became the stay at home parents. Their wives got the jobs first and even after both parents were working, the fathers were the main care givers because they tele-commuted. Whatever works in this time is perfect.
ReplyDeleteI think most children have too much stuff... because we as parents have too much stuff. As you know from reading my blog, I am really going downsize, I want to work from home as I am a single mama and I don't see near enough of my daughter because the travel time I have.. .She is going to be 13 and I see her falling between the cracks at school ... plus this is the time in her life that she really needs to have me there when she has questions... I am looking forward to spending much more time with her... this was a really good post Crystal xox
ReplyDeleteChildren do have too much stuff. If both parents are working and your children are being raised in daycare, you have to ask yourself Why? Why are you allowing a total stranger teaching your child the most important skills of life. For all you know, the teacher is part of a Wicca coven.
ReplyDeleteWe made a decision that I would be home for our kids. No matter what. WE all were our family.
Returned to teaching when youngest was in 3rd grade. Our kids were at the same school for that year.
We can do a lot as parents, but I read research a few years ago that concluded the biggest influence on children was their peers. So the biggest thing we can do as parents to raise good kids is to get them mixing with good kids.
ReplyDeleteI don't have kids, but I'm a proud auntie and I think about those my nieces and nephews growing up in this climate all the time. My mother worked part-time so she could be home when I was and I think about how lucky I was to have that. So many of my friends with kids are looking for ways to downsize so that they can be home with them more often. I feel the same way.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, yes, yes, less is more. Parents give their kids THINGS when really their time and attention is what their children need. It's sad! A lot of kids today learn to interact with their electronic devices instead of people and relationships.
ReplyDeleteWe have old creaking cars, rarely go out for dinner, kids don't have phones - but when I was offered the Executive Director position at the place I was working part-time, I turned it down. Both times they offered it. "I'm raising my kids now, thanks." Great post.
ReplyDelete#2's the lie. Nora was the ghost writer for Sylvia ;)
No kids on my end but I have witnessed the kind of parenting kids should never have. Lucky I still have two eyes to see with. Oh my God, I need to read Hart's Harry Potter Fan fiction! I have awesome FOP fan fiction to trade!
ReplyDeleteIt's a challenge for sure.
ReplyDeleteLie...#2...
I couldn't agree more Crystal! Our family has made many sacrifices for me to be a stay at home mom, but I wouldn't change a thing! I love my kids more than words can say, and I couldn't imagine not raising them myself. We are very blessed that it was a choice for us...I know that there are many single parents out there who aren't so lucky. Thanks for the visit today!
ReplyDelete~Katie
TheCyborgMom
There's quite a lot I want to write about your post, Crystal, but suffice it to say that I am happy to hear that you have never experienced the hardship that extends to many families with both parents working full time in order to merely provide the basics--a roof, food, and hopefully enough to spare for clothing. Too many people are faced with just such a challenge in today's society.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could show you our history. We have made innumerable sacrifices and lived through embarrassingly impoverished circumstances to live the way we do. Other people would have said we NEEDED another income for most of our marriage, and they wouldn't have been wrong. Heck, at one point we were cashing in our penny collection and to buy enough gas to get to church. It's a choice we made and one we stuck to.
DeleteFood for thought about our future, Crystal. They're growing up in a different world from a generation ago...some improvements, some not. I've known Sylvia through the blogs for many years, and of course, Hart is an institution!
ReplyDeleteWonderful post. I always think of our son and if we're doing enough, if what we're doing is good. We made the decision that I wouldn't work and I'd stay at home with him. We've given up a lot of things without me working, but I believe it is making a difference with our son. I do not regret it. :) Congrats to Sylvia! My guess for the lie is #2.
ReplyDeleteIt's great hearing so many people taking such an active role in the lives of their kids today. There are too many absentee parents, or worse - abusive ones (emotional as well as physical). I always enjoy reading the comments of those who adore the children as much as I do my own. My girls are a precious gift!
ReplyDeleteMe! Me!! Me!!! I'm one of the people out here cheering little ones onward - to a future I can't imagine for them, but i am able to fortify them, fan their hope-filled imagination - so they can adventure fully into the 21st Century - and Become . . .
ReplyDeleteI feel ya. My wife and I sometimes look at each other and ask "How are other people doing this?" We're pretty organized too, but kids, jobs, a house, etc. all add up to way more than any human I've ever met can handle. At least we all keep trying:)
ReplyDeleteThank you Crystal and Hart! I do like to win free stuff!
ReplyDeleteHi Crystal and Hart - well done on Stephen's win ... lucky chap! Oh bring the kids up right please .. take care with them, give them love and encourage them to try things - sensible things ... be there for them. Show them mentors in the world around you ...
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on Parralels ... and then Silvia - I'd say #3 ...
Cheers Hilary
I write from home and my kids have limited extracurricular activities (instrument and theater), but I still feel like the days are rushed to get homework done, to get to bed, to get on the bus. But I know it could be much worse.
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing number 2 is the lie.
I write from home and my kids have limited extracurricular activities (instrument and theater), but I still feel like the days are rushed to get homework done, to get to bed, to get on the bus. But I know it could be much worse.
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing number 2 is the lie.
As a parent and a home-school mom, I am guilty of the overly-busy schedule some years, and I'm also guilty of the super lazy pajamas until dinner kind of days. I think we all have to find the right balance for our families, and sometimes we find it, and sometimes we don't. My daughters (both teens) both are enjoying more independence these days, but they also both like having me around for conversations and encouragement. When they get home from school and activities (even if this happens more than once in a day), we spend fifteen minutes to a half hour debriefing. I think those are some of the most important moments of the day and I'm glad I can be there for them.
ReplyDeleteI'm going for #1 as the lie. Who knows? Those were tough ones. :)
BTW - one of them is doing a dual credit program at a community college now (school) and one takes Chinese at the local high school so we've become only part-time homeschoolers.
DeleteI think so many people are keeping up with the Joneses and concerned about "acquiring more stuff so that we will feel successful and so that other people will also think we're successful" that we sometimes forget that at the end of the day, it's just stuff--stuff that we can't take with us. I'm all about financial security and teaching my children to be financially savvy, but not at the expense of nurturing our relationships. And I'm guessing that number three is the lie???
ReplyDeleteI'm all for getting rid of stuff and spending time with people and agree, if you have kids you should be a big part of their growing up. :)
ReplyDeleteSo true. Children today are so busy with school, after school activities, and all the other stuff they do, there's little time left for family time. And parents work so hard because everything is so expensive it almost takes two incomes to survive. That's sad. I hope material possessions don't take the place of being with family. I don't know that much since my children are grown with children of their own.
ReplyDeleteI think #2 is the lie.
I think 1 is the lie. Congrats to Stephen.
ReplyDeleteTime is valuable. People appreciate it when it is given to them and it's important for parents to be there for their children.
Congrats, Stephen.
ReplyDeleteOh, so many good books to read, so little time.
I worry about those things all the time. I only hope I can do a good enough job parenting that my kids will be good citizens and be happy and successful in whatever they undertake. Time spent together is priceless.
ReplyDeleteWow! Deep post. I worry about the children that I don't even have yet. Of course, I hope they can have a full life and be exposed to all sorts of things but when we go to kids' birthday parties right now, my husband and I look at each other and say,"We're not doing this. They're not doing that." Especially for the decked out one year old ones. Geez, they won't even remember. Lol! It's a competition. It feels like each family is trying to outdo the other and I don't want our future kids to expect things and to measure love by the "things" they get. Your family is lucky to have you -- someone who is cognizant of what truly matters in life. xoxo (Oh and I think the lie is #3.)
ReplyDeletetake the darn technology out of their hands and spend real live time with them!!!
ReplyDeletewe are losing our children's imagination and sense of adventure!
i see it in school every day. we are now providing kids with computers and all they want to do in the down time is play games on them. it makes me sad every time i look around at a restaurant, to see everyone's head lowered to their phones. i just want to scream! especially at my own family - they're terrible.
sorry for the rant, but you struck a nerve in me! just wish i could do more about it!
always great to stop over here =)
Great post, I worry about my children too. Its important to raise them right.
ReplyDeleteCongrats to Stephen!
When I was in school I didn't appreciate the fact that my mother was a stay-at-home mom. However, I started appreciating that fact the older I got because my mom was always there for me. I wouldn't have done and accomplished all I have without her. She is still the glue in my family to this day. Family is definitely more important that possessions.
ReplyDeleteFantastic post. Honestly, one of the reasons I have not yet had kids is because both my wife and I are working insane hours and would not be able to properly care for them. Passing a kid off to a nanny or a babysitter is no life at all. It may be a little late in life when we do have them, but we'd rather wait until we're comfortable enough that I can just stay at home (stay at home dad!) and the wife will be working way less than create someone now that we'd just spend years ignoring. I cringe at the very thought of that.
ReplyDeleteThe points you've brought up make me very glad I'm set on never having kids. >_< But I think they're good points. It really does seem like we're set on not only filling up every available second these days, but inflicting that mindset on kids as well. I remember reading something about kids in grade school dealing with adult-level stress in their lives. Gah!
ReplyDeleteThat is very cool that you are highlighting the contributors to the anthology. I got my copy, and am looking forward to reading it. I'd say number 3 is the lie.
ReplyDeleteI'm all for decluttering my life. I am so blessed to be home with my kids. I know some moms can't for different reasons, but I choose to be and I love it (most days). :)
ReplyDeleteI might be too late, but I'll say number three is the lie~ great game and her book sounds like a winner!
ReplyDeleteA very wise post. It is odd we live in a time when you have to take the time to write that sort of thing. Of course, if our tax burden were lighter, it would be easier for one parent not to work .
ReplyDeleteFor truth or lie, I say #2. If it turns out ghost writers are churning out the Nora Roberts stuff, that would explain some things.
Crystal, you just brought tears to my eyes. Seriously. My husband (of now almost 25 years) and I married young, and I became a dental assistant. I worked through having two children, but only three days a week and worked it out so grandparents would alternate caring for them. I wanted the 'personal' influence for my kids, from either my husband and I or close family. I felt that was so important. But once I had our third child it wasn't feasible to keep working outside the house anymore; plus, three would be too much for either set of grandparents to care for. So I became a stay-at-home mom. Then just over four years later, when I thought I was going back to school to get my hygiene license, we discovered I was pregnant with our fourth child. Have we had to sacrifice for me to stay home to care for them. You bet. Do we regret it. Not for a minute. I've always been there when they come home from school, when they're in the moment and need to talk or whatever. I've taken them to every game, field, ice rink, doctor's appt... Granted, after a fashion I thought my brains were going to leak out my ears so I told my husband I needed to do something, even from home. That's how I began writing. Thanks for bringing such an important subject to the forefront.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree that less is often better especially in child rearing. So many kids are shuttled from this activity to that activity that they miss the opportunity to just "chill" and spend time with their parents sometimes doing nothing, which is a good thing. They say quality time is better than quantity time, but I think really quantity is better, even if again doing nothing but just being together. People need to set their priorities on what is important, but you only have so many years to influence your child(ren) while they are under your care.
ReplyDeletebetty
You've raised some good questions. The problem in the family does seem to come from having too much of something. And I think that too much of something, is distractions. Think of all the video entertainment young ones have now. They have video game systems, smart phones, ipad and the like. When I was a youth, we had none of that, we went outside to play. That was our fun. Same goes for parents. It's so easy now as parents for us to be sucked into distractions as well. DVD's, cable, digital music, it's easy enough for parents to fall into that trap as well. As a youth, my parents went to work or did housework. That was about it. We watched TV together and talked during meal times. We had less, but we had more keeping us together as a family.
ReplyDeleteLots to think about for sure. I think less is more and so often people are working to have things, when they could work less and have less things, but have more time. I think quality time is what we all want, but unfortunately we don't see the path to our goal. A good thing to stop and think about! :)
ReplyDelete~Jess